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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Сhrisт because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He’s in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He’s in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Сhrisт, are you still in there?'"
School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes Christmas Jokes Student jokes
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nudе.
He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
"A bird," the guy replied.
The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.
When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know.
I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that nакеd fellow?"
After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him?
Nothing.
I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Military Jokes Police Officer Jokes
An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida.
At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going.
He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida.
The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for.
The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months.
The customs officer then asks where they were coming from.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from.
The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton.
The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of аss he ever had.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".
An old couple returning from Florida cross the border. The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no. the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?". the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything". the customs agent asks... Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from...
Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Dating Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Couple jokes
Once there was this man whose car broke down.
He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch.
He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in.
But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.''
She let him sleep in the laundry room.
He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters.
After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed.
Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down.
Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!''
He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable.
Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it.
In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule.
Watch out.''
He was sent onto the porch to sleep.
All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him.
Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald.
Here came the grandma.
''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.''
The cops came and requested a description of what happened.
The old lady said, ''That man is a dамnеd rарisт.
He pulled down my pants, slapped my аss and shaved my рussy!''
Dirty jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
Мъж спира и пита полицая: - Мога ли да паркирам колата си тук? - Не може. - Еми тия другите тука дето са паркирали? - Ами те не са ме питали. Паркинг Ένας οδηγός στο τροχονόμο: - Μπορώ να παρκάρω εδώ; - Όχι κύριε, βλέπετε ότι απαγορεύεται. - Μα οι άλλοι πως παρκάρουν; - Αυτοί δεν ρωτάνε.
Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes
- Жената май предаде Богу дух. От седмица сексът е същият, обаче чиниите се трупат... Се е исто. Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died? A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink. Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up. I finally determined that my girlfriend has been dead for a while… The sεx is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up. - Comment savoir si votre femme est morte? Vous baisez toujours autant, mais la vaisselle sale s'empile. Che cosa pensi se tua moglie muore? Il sesso e’ lo stesso ma la pila di piatti e’ in aumento. Che cosa pensi se muore tuo marito? Il sesso e’ lo stesso ma conquisti il telecomando. Komt een man bij de dokter en zegt: dokter ik denk dat mijn vrouw dood is!?! Vraagt de dokter: waarom denkt u dat? Zegt de man: nou de seks is hetzelfde maar de afwas blijft maar staan… Hvordan ved du, at din kone er døde? – Jeres sex er det samme, men opvasken er begyndt at vokse i håndvasken Død kone Hvordan opdager man at Ens kone er død? Hun knepper som Hun plejer, men Opvasken vokser og vokser! Hvordan du forstår at kona er dau? Sexen er som vanlig men oppvasker samler seg opp.. - Să ştii că am impresia că nevastă-mea a murit. - Eşti sigur? - Nu ştiu ce să spun. În pat este ca înainte, doar că se adună vasele nespălate în bucătărie de vreo săptămînă! Jak poznáte, že je vaše žena mrtvá? Sex je pořád stejný, ale v kuchyni se hromadí špinavé nádobí.
Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes
Animal Jokes
Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes
Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes
Чапаев бил много болен и стоял на системи. I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn” Suddenly right in front of... La señora y el mensaje del marido El viejo está muy enfermo. Le han colocado una bomba de oxígeno, y su hijo se halla sentado a a su lado. Lentamente, e padre agonizante habla a su hijo de toda la riqueza que le va a dejar. Le... der Pfarrer wars Barzelletta "C'è un cinese in coma": Un carabiniere tampona una macchina guidata da un cinese, che sbatte la testa sul manubrio e non risponde più alle sollecitazioni. O sujeito está no hospital à beira da morte, cheio de tubos para mantê-lo em vida o máximo possível.
Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Asian jokes Sick and Death Jokes