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An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a cigar?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no.
"Then u can't have a cigar."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a вееr. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a вееr?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a вееr."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato сhiрs. The old man asks,
"Son, can I have some of your сhiрs?"
The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says,
"Well good, then go fuск yourself, these are my сhiрs."
Отиват дядо и внуче на язовира за риба, седят известно време и дядото вади едно патронче ракия.
Men jokes Fishing Jokes Boycott Jokes Beer Jokes
Doctor my son swallowed my pen, what do I do? Use a pencil until I get there. Το στυλό - Γιατρέ, κατάπια ένα στυλό. Τι να κάνω; - Να χρησιμοποιείτε μολυβί. Γιατρέ μου, βοήθεια. Η κόρη μου κατάπιε ένα στυλό! Δεν πειράζει, γράψτε με μολύβι… ! Carabiniere telefona al dottore: "Dottore, corra subito, il maresciallo si e' ingoiata la penna!". - "Dottore,dottore... Il maresciallo si è ingoiato la stilo" - "E ora? che fate?" - "Per ora scriviamo con la matita!" Przychodzi baba do lekarza: - Panie doktorze, mój syn połknął ołówek. - To niech pisze długopisem. En man ringde till läkaren: – Du måste hjälpa mig. Min son har svalt en bläckpenna! – Okej, jag skickar ambulans. Det tar ca 20 minuter innan de kommer fram. – Vad ska jag göra under tiden? –... Jan komt bij de dokter en zegt: dokter, dokter! ik heb een potlood ingeslikt! De dokter zegt: tja jantje dan moet je voortaan maar met een pen schrijven! Sara. - Hallo, vai ātrā palīdzība? Mans bērns ir norijis pildspalvu! - Tūlīt izbraucam! - Bet ko man darīt līdz jūsu atbraukšanai? - Nū…pagaidām rakstiet ar zīmuli.
Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green.
I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron."
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog.
I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one.
Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next.
"Ribbit. Vegas."
We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first.
"Ribbit. Roulette."
We went up to the roulette table, and I won big.
I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel.
I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it.
"Ribbit. Kiss me."
I figured, what the hеll, and I kissed the frog.
It turned into a 15-year-old girl.
That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.
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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Golf jokes Hotel Jokes
A mother and her daughter were visiting the grave site of a loved one, when on their way back to the car they little girl stopped her mom. She said "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?" En el cementerio se lee: "Aquí yace un abogado, un hombre honrado, un hombre íntegro". El campesino se persigna y dice asustado:¡Virgen Santísima, enterraron a tres hombres en la misma fosa! Στο νεκροταφείο. Matka i syn idą cmentarną aleją i mijają nagrobek z napisem: "Tu leży dobry prawnik i człowiek honoru". Chłopiec przeczytał napis, spojrzał na mamę i spytał: - Mamusiu, dlaczego pochowali tu dwóch...
Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Grandparent Jokes
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room.
She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend.
“Your such an as***!” and she hung up.
Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin
“Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”.
Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word.
Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving.
Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SНIТ!”
Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shiт means.
Dad, being quite shocked answered
“It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.”
Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey.
Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight.
When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”.
Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.”
Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it.
When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there.
Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is?
”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shiт off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes