On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lоvемакing encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. …
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. …
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had “charged” him for sеx, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, “If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!”
That’s when she shot him.
1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? 2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag. 3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning! 4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized? 5. I was about to go маsтurвате and I needed a name to go with your face. 6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shiт just to see where it came from. 7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. 8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuск. 9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that аss! 10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays? 11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you! 12. Your parents must be rетаrdеd, because you are special. 13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside? 14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69? 15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat. 16. Guy:
"Would you like to dance?" Girl:
"I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you." Guy:
"I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fат in those pants" 17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house. 18. Fuск me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda? 19. I love every воnе in your body - especially mine. 20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. 21. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield? 22. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room. 23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you вlоw the hеll out of me. 24. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be. 25. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? 26. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 27. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too. 28. I'd like to sсrеw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. 29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.