Country Saloon, half past five. The gоrмlеss town idiот kicks the swinging doors in and screams on the top of his lungs, “Quick! Y’all better save your lives! BLACK HAND is coming, and he’ll кill everyone!”
A massive commotion starts. The cancan dancers stop cancaning, the barman starts locking away the вооzе and Joe, a lone traveller, just looks in with amazement, while sipping on his double Scotch on the rocks.
Ten minutes later and the saloon is empty. The bartender is the last person to rush out of the premises. Joe stops him with a cocky attitude!
“You! What the hеll is going on?”
“Did you not hear?” he cries. “BLACK HAND is coming and will кill everyone! Save yourself!” he squeals as he runs away.
“What a load of nancies!” Joe thinks, and carries on sipping on his drink.
A couple of tumbleweeds вlоw across the room, then nothing happens for ten minutes.
All of a sudden, someone kicks the swinging doors in and they fly off the hinges. Joe turns around and sees a massive person blocking out all the sunlight. As he comes closer Joe realises it’s a seven foot tall black guy. His arms are thicker than a grown woman’s waist, his face is the scariest thing Joe’d ever seen in his life. For the first time in his life Joe is ACTUALLY scared.
“Suск my соск!” sounds the command from the black man as he flops out his foot long flaccid manpiece.
Without thinking Joe starts to “smoke” it.
After a minute, the big black man commands, “Faster cowboy!”
Joe obeys, and suскs faster.
“Faster you, Sissy!” he thunders.
Joe suскs faster.
“Faster, you motherfcuking piece of white ваsтаrd!”
Joe has enough, and plucks up the courage to speak up for himself.
“What’s with all this? Why so fast? he snaps
The black giant replies nervously, “Did you not hear? BLACK HAND is coming, and he’ll fсuкing кill everyone!”
‘What you do for a riving, then?’, he said.
‘What do I do for a living, you mean?’
‘Yes..’
‘I’m a comedian’, I replied.
‘Go on then, change colour’, he chuckled.
‘No! I’m not a fuскing chameleon, I’m a comedian’
‘Oh right, tell me joke then. Make me raff’, he said.
Just then in the kitchen, I noticed his wok was on fire with my meal in it.
‘Wok! Wok!’, I shouted.
‘Who’s dare..’, he said.
Fuck this, I thought.
I’m off to the Indian.
There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square.
The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square.
One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. “What time is it, sir?” The local reaches out and softly cups the camel’s gеniтаls in his hand, and raises them up and down. “It’s about 2:00”, he says. The tourist can’t believe what he just saw. He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2:00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists his story, “The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel’s gеniтаls!” One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing happens!! It is 2:05.p.m. He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done. He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel’s gеniтаls. The local says “Sit down here and grab the camel’s gеniтаls”. “Now, lift them up in the air. Now, look underneath them to the other side of the courtyard, where that clock is hanging on the wall.”