Men jokes - Page 2

In a мurdеr trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

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A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers. At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
The injured man replies, "But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor asks.
The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets."
"That's really an incredible coincidence," he answers. "I work for the 3M Corporation."An hour later, the nurse tells the third man that his wife has just given birth to quadruplets.The man says, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons. What a coincidence."After hearing this, everyone's attention turns to the fourth guy who has just fainted. He slowly regains consciousness and whispers, "I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Nurse jokes

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''

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Parrot jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

Yo' Mama is so stanky, even the garbage man won't pick her up.

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Yo Momma Jokes Men jokes

Yo' Mama is like a television: even an old man can turn her on.

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes Men jokes

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

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Military Jokes Men jokes

Eliz Wright: Down With O.P.P.
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.

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Police Officer Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Q: Why did God create women?
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

There was a man who just got out of the army.
He was really hоrny and only had $5, so he went to a whоrе house. He told the women, ''Gimme anything you got.'' So then he is having sеx with this women and says ''Gosh, you're really rough inside.'' She says ''Hold on.'' and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says ''Now you're really smooth. What happened?'' She says, ''I picked off all the scabs.''

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Military Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

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Military Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Priest Jokes Priest Jokes

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."
The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

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Asian jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.
The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her сrаск, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks.
"Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the сrаск, so I pushed it back in."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Church jokes Monday jokes Boss Jokes

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t.
So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a s**t in his hat. He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it. He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man. He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat. The guy said, "It's a hurt bird." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't - if I take my hand away it will fly away." They kept that up for about five minutes. Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!" The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand. The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of s**t and asked the man, "What is this?" The man replied, "You scared the s**t out of the bird."

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes American Presidents Humor

A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"

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Police Officer Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."
From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying ваsтаrd!"
"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.
The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"
"I've lived next to that lying ваsтаrd for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a тооl when I needed to borrow one?"

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Judge and Court Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: In the Navy, how do they separate the men from the boys?
A: With a crowbar.

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Military Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunк."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

When you were in the gang then , you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting - 'No, man, I've got to go home.'

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Police Officer Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes