Most popular jokes

A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shiт on your diск."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."

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Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunк or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey роор."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes Boss Jokes

Ron and John, 2 Blonde Guy were building a house.
John was on a ladder, nailing.
He'd reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
Ron couldn't stand it any longer and yelled, 'Why are you throwing some of the nails away?'
John explained, 'When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me, I throw it away.
If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it.'
Ron replied, 'What's wrong with you?
Don't throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house.'

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Blonde Jokes

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? pull out the pin and throw it back
What do you do when a blode throws a pin at you? run like hеll shes got a grenade in her mouth!!

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Me: hey girl spell me
Hot Chick: ok M-E
Me: you forgot the D
Hot Chick: theres no D in Me
Me: not yet

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Dirty jokes

Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.

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Yo Momma Jokes Baby Jokes Birthday Jokes Ugly Jokes

There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties.
Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb.
There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb.
So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb.
Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?"
The boy looks back and says "who? me?"
The man says "yes."
The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker."
The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker."
The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating рussy and moving down the road."

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Pet Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

The woman comes with her husband to the psychiatrist and tells the psychiatrist:
"Please, do something with my man, because he thinks of himself that he is a horse."
The psychiatrist says: "Oh, it will be a long and expensive therapy."
The woman: "Ok, don´t worry, we can enough money because my husband has already won three times the horse racings."

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Animal Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your воотy is why God invented my ваlls!

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Dirty jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Flirt jokes Beauty Jokes

Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she cries, the tears run down her back.

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Yo Momma Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes

Two little snakes were hissing near their pit.
The mother snake came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts came out and said, ''Hey you two little snakes, what are you doing hissing near my pit? If you want to hiss, go back over to your own pit and hiss!'' The two little snakes went back to their own pit to hiss. Their mother came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit? I thought I told you to go over to Mrs. Pott's house to hiss. They said, Mrs. Potts said if we wanted to hiss we had to go back to our own pit to hiss. The mother snake said, ''Well, I knew Mrs. Potts before she had a pit to hiss in.''

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Animal Jokes

Yo mama so dumb that when she looked in a mirror she yelled stop copying me.

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Yo Momma Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove.
"Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"
"I'm looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It's called Dante's Inferno."
"I definitely don't want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history."
"Do you have Shakespeare in English?"

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Business jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Dinosaur jokes Superhero Jokes

How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic?
He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes

Yo mama so fат when she looks in the mirror the mirror said: "oh no get out the way."

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Yo Momma Jokes Ugly Jokes

Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.

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Thanksgiving Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes

Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunк with a slight chance of passing out.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes New year jokes

A professor and a doctor both love the same girl.
Each one tries to get rid of the other.
Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week.
Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there.
When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

You are so black when I clicked on your profile pic I thought my phone died.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urinе as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Gross Jokes Business jokes

Most Popular Jokes