Most popular jokes

Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of вееr and some сhiрs.
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hеll she could know you from.
If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

56 0

Yo' Mama is so fат, the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.

56 0

Yo Momma Jokes Technology Jokes

There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..."A blonde came up to her and said, "That looks like fun, can I try?"The brunette said, "Sure."So the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88...""Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street."So the blonde said, "OK." and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88..." BAM! She was run over by a car, completely flattened. Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89..."

56 0

Blonde Jokes

A man visits his doctor and complains that he feels like he has 5 legs.
The doctor asks him how do his pants fit?
The man replies, "Like a glove!"

56 0

One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: How did the blonde put out her cigarette?
A: She threw it in the water and stepped on it.

56 0

One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right вrеаsт hanging out.A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"She says, "Why, officer?""Because your вrеаsт is hanging out."She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"

56 0

Blonde Jokes God Jokes Police Officer Jokes Baby Jokes

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,
"Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says,
"Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror an d says,
"You duммy, it's me!"

56 0

Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

"Wow, look at that! Isn't it beautiful? Let's destroy it."
-People

56 0

Military Jokes

Q: Why do Soviet soldiers always miss?
A: They have terrible Marxmanship.

56 0

Russian Jokes Military Jokes Management Jokes

Q: The male sеx has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.

56 0

Masturbation jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

It was very hot, and this guy runs to a nearby store to buy a hand fаn.
There were two similar fans in make and model but one was 25 cents and the other was 50 cents.
The guy opted for the cheaper one thinking that they work the same way.
Before he left the store, the owner tried to impress on the buyer on how each works, but the buyer was not interested - a fаn is a fаn is a fаn, and he knows how to work it.
The 25 cent fаn broke.
He came back yelling and screaming that the fаn was no good.
The owner explained that he should have got the operating instructions:
"With the 50 cent fаn, you move your wrist left and right to get the air flowing. With the 25 cent fаn which works differently, you hold the fаn steady in your wrist and move your head left to right to get the air flowing."

56 0

Customer service jokes Technology Jokes Money jokes Stupid Jokes Weather jokes

Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M.
It was his Ku Klux Кlаn buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery.
"What's the matter?" asked Moody.
"Are you in trouble?"
"No!" said Crumm.
"What do you want, then?"
"Nothing!"
"Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody.
"Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates are cheaper!"

56 0

Redneck jokes Money jokes Phone jokes

Yo momma is so ugly that Superman lost his supervision and went blind.

56 0

Yo Momma Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Ugly Jokes Superhero Jokes

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said "low bridge ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he could not avoid getting stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a "Truck Wеdgiе." Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?" The gutsy truck driver said, "No officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!"

56 0

Police Officer Jokes

Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.

56 0

Dark Humor Jokes Car and driving jokes Jewish Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes

There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.
At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000.
The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!"
The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect."
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5."
She answers and says "20".
Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2."
The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"

56 0

Blonde Jokes Money jokes Soccer Jokes Math Jokes Stupid Jokes

I went to the seaside yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign which said "Lobster tails £1".
I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."

56 0

Food Jokes

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"
"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"
"Yes." replied the officer
"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher
"Uh... yes." replied the cop.
"Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."
"What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.
So the cop went back to the car, gave back the license and registration and dropped his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looked down and sighed..... "Ohh no... not another Breathalyzer......"

56 0

Blonde Jokes

A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?"
And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed."
"Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?"
And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make."
"And what is the name of this position?"
"You know, imagine the missionary position."

56 0

Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.

56 1

Jokes

Most Popular Jokes