Newest jokes - Page 111

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."
The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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School Jokes

A question had appeared in a student's medical examination which read: "List four benefits of вrеаsт milk." A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him.
When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed before his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in attractive containers.

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School Jokes

This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those dамn mice keep coming back."
"I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes."
"That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the dамn rodents."
About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?"
"Not so good, dude."
"What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."

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School Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question. He inquired:
"What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?"
Jane blushed and said that she didn't know. Jimmy raised his hand and said,
"I know! The pupil of the eye." The teacher replied,
"Yes, very good Jimmy."
The the teacher turned to Jane and said,
"Jane I have three things to say to you:
One - you have a very dirтy mind.
Two - you haven't been studying hard enough. And three - you're going to be very disappointed!"

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School Jokes

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico with Native Americans who told him the Legend of the Maidens. The tale went this way: "There are beautiful maidens who live in the cracks and crevices in this valley. If you hear them call, 'Woo Woo,' take off your clothes quickly and enter the cave. They will show you a fabulous time!"
Several days later, the headlines in the local newspaper read: "Body of Nакеd Auburn Student found in Tunnel, Run Over by Train."

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School Jokes American Jokes

D.A.M.
Q: What does D.A.M stand for?
A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.

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School Jokes

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sеx. The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests. The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, "I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."
The guy overhears her talking to herself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"
"Well," the girl explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the man I love to lose my virginity."
Astounded, the guy replies, "So you really love me?"
"Oh God no!" the girl says. "I just got sick of waiting."

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School Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Love Jokes

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"
Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."
The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate ."
Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big воовs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Student jokes Communication Jokes Boob Jokes

How many Harvard men does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
One - he stands still and the world revolves around him.

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School Jokes Men jokes Light bulb jokes

On Monday morning, the teacher walked to the blackboard and noticed someone had written the word "реnis" in tiny letters. She turned around, but couldn't find the guilty face. She quickly erased it and began her class.
Tuesday, she was again greeted with "реnis" on the blackboard, written in larger letters. She looked around in vain for the culprit, and then proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning for the rest of the week, "реnis" was written on the board in larger and larger letters, and each time, the teacher furiously erased it. By Friday, she'd had enough.
"That's enough," she sputtered. "I - I can't believe this! Monday morning, I expect an explanation for this behavior!"
On Monday morning, the teacher confidently entered the classroom and found on the board: "Don't you know - the more you rub it, the вiggеr it gets?"

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School Jokes

The way this game works is every time the word f**k is used (in any form, ex.
f**king, f**ker, etc.), or the word dude (in any form, ex. "his dudeliness, the dudester, etc.) is used, you take a drink. If you've seen the movie, you'll know that after five minutes of playing, you should be dialing 9-1-1. The main character's name is "Dude" and swearing, especially with the f-word, is quite excessive. Because both dude and f**k are used so much during the movie that we altered the rules to include that you can choose to only drink when one or the other word is said.
I can promise you this: Playing this game makes the movie make a lot more sense.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?
A: A tangent.

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School Jokes

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the public school system. One day he got an easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put each of the following words in a sentence. This is what he did....
Donny got an A.

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School Jokes

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Вuтт."
The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."
The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Вuтт."
The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Вuтт."
The girl exclaims, "Glad Аss - Happy Вuтт - what's the difference?"

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School Jokes

Two gаy men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sреrм and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.''
''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his аss.''

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School Jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Nurse jokes Baby Jokes

College Grads:
A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Science jokes

What do you call a fratboy in a suit?
The defendant.

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School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

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