Latest Jokes

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a cigar?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no.
"Then u can't have a cigar."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a вееr. The young boy asks,
"Grandpa, can I have a вееr?"
The old man asks, "Son, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a вееr."
Another 20 minutes passes, and the young boy opens a bag of potato сhiрs. The old man asks,
"Son, can I have some of your сhiрs?"
The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your diск touch your аsshоlе?"
The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says,
"Well good, then go fuск yourself, these are my сhiрs."
Отиват дядо и внуче на язовира за риба, седят известно време и дядото вади едно патронче ракия.
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Once there was a King who had a beautiful daughter, but there was a problem.
Everything she touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, plastic. It would melt..
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter..???
He consulted Wizards and Magicians. One Wizard told the King,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
The King was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition.
Any man that could bring his Daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
Three young Princes took up the challenge.
The first one brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.
The second Prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt.
But alas it also melted. He too went away disappointed.
The third Prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my Pocket and feel what's in there."
The Princess did as she was asked, though she turned Crimson.
She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt.
The King was overjoyed, the third Prince married the Princess and they lived happily ever after..
Question: What was the object in the Prince's pants..???
(Scroll down for the answer. )









They were M&M's. - (get your mind out of the gutter)..
Everyone knows they Melt in your Mouth, not in your Hand.
Jokes
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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