Newest jokes - Page 2803

Some people are so strange.
They’ll happily accept your friend request on Facebook, but won’t even acknowledge you when you’re parked outside their house all day.

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Life is an open door.
It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.

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Life Jokes

Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?
Because that's where students have the most potential.

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School Jokes Physics jokes

How do you get a Jew to win a race?
Drop a quarter at the finish line.

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Dark Humor Jokes Jewish Jokes

It was Thanksgiving day and the hall bathroom was not working. There was another bathroom off the master bedroom, so the mother asked her pre-teen daughter to put a sign on the hall bathroom door and then close it.
Due to the busyness of all the preparations for the big event, the mother never had the opportunity to even walk by the hallway bathroom until all her guests had left that day. When she finally did pass the hallway bathroom, she saw the sign her young daughter had written and left on the door.
It read:
"Out of odor."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

Chuck Norris killed the devil and is selling his own line of Picks of Destiny, available in all Chuck Norris approved guitar shops.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Teacher says to class, “OK class, today we’re going to be talking about the tenses.
Now if I say I’m beautiful, which tense is it?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, “Obviously it is the past tense Miss.”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

How is a walrus like Tupperware? … …
…
…
They are both searching for a tight seal.

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What's The Difference Jokes

I missed a question on my biology exam today.
The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes Biology jokes

I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I said, “What’s going on?”
“You tell me?” replied my wife.
I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”
“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sеx for six months!”
I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?”

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.
"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says bartender.

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

Cant belive how bad things have become in the world recently. People have no respek anymore. Even in the dictionary the word respek has been taken out.

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Political Jokes

Why are Irish bankers so successful?
Because their capital's always Dublin.

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Irish jokes Banker Jokes

It’s forty years ago today since the first mobile phone call was made.
It was to customer services and he is still on hold.

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Science jokes

Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shiт out of you.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

Madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Thiruvananthapuram. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely. I am a soiled son from inside Kerala. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid ваlls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am a jolly gаy. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not suскing tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.. I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants are always open for you.

I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.

What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand. If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours Kutty

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Fitness jokes Dating Jokes

How do you throw a space party? you planet

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Space jokes

Where do horses go when they get sick?
To the horse-pital.
Just kidding, they get shot.

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Horse jokes

Nostradamus made note that his prophesies came to him in bilateral form. He would first imagine the future in written word followed by visuals of the event some time after. Recently in France a secret chamber was discovered in the former residence of Nostradamus, proving his bilateral claim to be true.
Researchers found a waste paper basket with a single wаd of paper in it which read:
There will be three beloved men who will come to power in the same century. These men will be called Chuck E Cheese, Ronald MacDonald and some guy named Jack.
Apparently after receiving the visuals, he decided to scrap this particular prophecy.

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Men jokes Single People Jokes

What is a hard drive?
A hard drive is driving across country with my wife, three kids and a dog.

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Kids Jokes Computer Jokes

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