Newest jokes - Page 292

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Моsеs, and Sаinт Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

37 0

A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.

72 0

Religion jokes Lawyer Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.

71 0

Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Vulgar jokes

Computers are like air conditioners.
They work fine until you start opening windows.

36 0

Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.

36 0

Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together over the redhead's house while the redhead's father was out.
The father had a pet parrot, which he did n
ot let anyone else touch.
But, when he left, the girls took him out.
The girls were playing with it, when the blonde grabbed the parrot and accidentally ripped out one of its wings.
“Now you've done it!” the red head yelled at the blonde.
“Go buy him another one just like that, here's some money.”
The redhead went into her piggy bank and gave the blonde $50.
“Okay,” said the blonde, “but it's going to hard to find a parrot with only one wing.”

36 0

Money jokes Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes

Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viаgrа?
Now he's hard up.

70 0

Money jokes Men jokes Business jokes Viagra jokes

Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.

35 0

Car and driving jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.

68 0

Christmas Jokes New year jokes

If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.

72 0

Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Flirt jokes

My uncle was a racist piano player, all his work sounded awful because he skipped all the black keys.

24 0

Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Marriages are made in Heaven – but then again, so are thunder and lightning.

36 0

Marriage and Family Jokes

Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!

35 0

Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Нiтlеr".

43 0

Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Hitler Jokes

I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom.
I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a nакеd skydiver.

31 0

Sex Jokes

One night 4 MBA students were outing till late night and didn`t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.
They made themselves look as dirтy and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the dean.
The dean said that this was a special condition test.
All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks:
Q.1. Write down your name –(2 marks)
Q.2. Which tyre burst — (98 marks)

36 0

School Jokes College jokes Student jokes

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, вlоwjов?
A: The вlоwjов.
You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a вlоwjов.

36 0

Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live.
Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order.
"Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman.
"I've only got to make a will.
And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money?
I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."

36 0

Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Cheating Jokes

Two liars were talking together:
First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night."
Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's аss."
First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you."
Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"

70 0

Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Birthday Jokes

A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range.
He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away.
The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit.
They shout to him that he missed completely.
The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.
The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off.
He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here!
The problem must be at your end!’

36 0

Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes IT jokes Single People Jokes Boss Jokes

Latest Jokes