Newest jokes - Page 293

Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto.

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I thought I was real racist because I was liking those black men - so black that if you looked at a picture of them, it looks like a negative.

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Nationality Jokes

You know, wherever there are black folks in a group, white people have to show up because they're scared we're going to do something without them.

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Nationality Jokes

Three Englishmen drink in a bar and spot an Irishman in the corner.
The first Englishman starts to taunt the Irishman, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"
"Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you."
The second Englishman yells, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?"
"Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you."
The third Englishman yells, "Did you know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?"
"Oh, no. But that's what your friends have been trying to tell me."

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Nationality Jokes Irish jokes St. Patrick's Day jokes

My last girlfriend wanted me to talk dirтy to her in the bed.
I'm no wildman in the sack. Don't let the glasses and the hip threads fool you. I had a hard time with the degrading, profane language because I was raised a proverbial nice, Jewish boy. So this is how I would talk dirтy to her - it's embarrassing - 'You really like my schmeckle, don't you? I am gonna schtupp you so hard. Don't make me stick it in your tushie.'

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Nationality Jokes

A businessman is seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman on a plane.
After they exchange brief hellos, he notices she is reading a manual of sеxuаl statistics. He asks her about it, and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that Native Americans have the longest average реnis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replies, "Тоnто Kowalski - nice to meet you."

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Nationality Jokes American Jokes

Signs It's a Bad Day:
- You wake up on pavement.
- You can't find the clothes you wore home from the party.
- Your twin forgets your birthday.
- You wake up to discover your waterbed broke, and then remember you don't have a waterbed.
- You wake up with your mouth guard stuck, and then remember you don't wear a mouth guard.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband.
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George

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Nationality Jokes

Q: How do you sink a Polish ship?
A: Put it in water.

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Nationality Jokes

Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.

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Nationality Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest.
He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house."
"Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air."
"Yes," says the priest, "your legs."

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Nationality Jokes Priest Jokes

A black man start losing his hair, what'd he do?
Just cut it all off - pow! - Montel Williams in the house! White man start losing his hair, what'd he do? Take the hair from the side and fold it over the top. Black man ain't going out like that.

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Nationality Jokes

I'm tired of people saying all black people look alike.
We don't all look alike. Ain't it funny how they always say we all look alike until we go cash a check? Then we don't look like nobody.

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Nationality Jokes

You seen white people goin, 'Oh, how ya doin', Bob?
Ah, no I.D. with me today. No, I forgot my I.D. Just go ahead -$5,000.' Brothers be at the bank - he's got his birth certificate, social security card, his lotto tickets, his pictures his kid drew, and they're still over in the back going, 'I don't think that's him. I'll tell you what, give him $28.'

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

They don't treat the black people right.
In our neighborhoods, they don't have banks - they have check cashing.

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Nationality Jokes Banker Jokes

Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food?
A: Gaelic breath.

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Nationality Jokes Food Jokes

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations.
Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the Russian game of roulette. He produced an antique Soviet revolver, and a single bullet. It took a while, but he was finally able to explain the gist of the game to Umballa. Intrigued and excited, Umballa loved the game. By the time the U.N. meeting was over, the two had become fast friends. As they parted company at the airport, Umballa told Vladimir, ''One day, you must visit my country, and try our version of your roulette.'' A year later, Vladimir was in Zambia, and looked up his old friend. Umballa remembered him, and welcomed him with open arms. ''I have come, my comrade, to try your game.'' ''Very well. Come with me.'' Umballa took his friend before six, buck-nакеd bush women. ''Pick one. Any one. And she will give you a вlоwjов.'' ''But my friend, where is the danger in this?'' Umballa replied with a toothy smile, ''One of them is a cannibal.''

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News and Politics Jokes Aviation Jokes American Presidents Humor

- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
- Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
- Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
- people use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.

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News and Politics Jokes Banker Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Scottish...
What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
The Dolly Llama.

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News and Politics Jokes

They said the darker you were, you know, you were further away from the slаvе house.
I learned that! The light-skinned people, they say, there was some mixing going on. Man, my family was so dark, we were two feet from freedom! We didn't even know there was a house on the plantation.

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News and Politics Jokes

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they each made announcemnts.
"I have two piece of bad news," said Boris Yeltsin. "One, God does exist. Two, all of the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some good news and some bad news," said Bill Clinton. "First, the good - God does exist. And the bad - the earth will be destroyed tomorrow."
"I have some great news!" said Bill Gates. "One, I'm one of the three most important people on earth. Two, we've got this Y2K thing solved!"

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News and Politics Jokes American Presidents Humor

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