Newest jokes - Page 349

A bear was taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"
"No," replied the rabbit. The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his вuтт with him.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.

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Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Math Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Parrot jokes

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: "Is that you coughin'?"

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Dark Humor Jokes

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes five sessions.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

Circumcision... At Your Age?
Two men are sharing a hospital room.
"What are you in for?" the first man asks.
"I'm getting a circumcision," his roommate replies.
"Dамn," exclaims the first man. "I had that done when I was born, and I couldn't walk for a year."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man went to see his doctor.
"You need to stop маsтurватing," the doctor told him.
The man asked, "Why?"
The doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Masturbation jokes

You Did What With A What?
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sеx with an elephant!"
"You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain an еrестiоn.
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "The problem is that the muscles
around the base of your реnis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment. We would take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your реnis."
The thought of going through life without ever having sеx again was too much for Jack, so he agreed to try the treatment. A few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to try out his new equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city.
During dinner he felt a pain building in his groin. To release the pressure, Jack unzipped his fly. His реnis immediately sprang from his fly, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll, and then returned to his pants. His girlfriend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
''I can try," said Jack, "but I don't think my аss can take another roll."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Restaurant Jokes

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news."
"Tell me the bad news" says the man.
"Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to half to cut both your legs off."
"Oh my God," cries the man, "what the hеll is the good news?"
"The good news is," replies the doctor, "see that man over there? He wants to buy your shoes."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

I would like to see a woman dentist, says the man to the dental receptionist.
"Why?" asks the receptionist.
"I'd like to hear a woman say 'open your mouth,' instead of 'shut up.'"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes

Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift Perpetual Munching Spree Puffy Mid-Section People Make Me Sick Provide Me with Sweets Pardon My Sobbing Pimples May Surface Pass My Sweatpants Pissy Mood Syndrome Plainly, Men Suск Pack My Stuff

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

What's Up Doc?
A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I'm getting smaller!" Doctor replies, "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man goes to the doctor for a check up. After the exam, the doctor tells him, "I have some bad news: You only have have about two weeks left to live." The man is shocked and asks the doctor, "Is there anything I can do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?"
The doctor replies, "There is one thing that you could do." "Just name it - I'll do whatever it is," the man replies. The doctor advises the man to take mud baths at least two or three times each day. The man asks, "Will that help my condition?" The doctor answers, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sеx, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen.
"What can I help you with?'' he asked.
''Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?''
''Ma'am,'' he answered, ''that there is called a реnis.''
''I see,'' she said. ''Now what is the big thing on the end of the реnis called?''
''Why that there is called the head of the реnis.''
''I do declare!'' exclaimed the young woman. ''One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the реnis?''
''I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my аss!''

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition.
Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband. Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?'' "I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my dамn bag open."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

"Doctor! My wife has lost her voice. What can I do to help her get it back!"
"Try coming home at 3 in the morning."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

There was a doctor that had been having sеx with a number of his patients, and he started to feel guilty.
Then a little voice inside his head said, You're not the only doctor that screws his patients. That made him feel a bit better. Until another little voice said, But most of them aren't vets.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Veterinarian Jokes

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible rush. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dentist Jokes

Q: Why did the gynecologist go to the eye doctor?
A: Everything he saw was fuzzy.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Gynecology Jokes

Q: What's the definition of a healthy virgin?
A: "One who has never been bed-ridden!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

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