Newest jokes - Page 348

How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb?
One hundred.
One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

While eating at their favorite diner, two Texans hear an awful choking sound. They turn around to see a lady turning blue.
The first Texan rises, hitches up his jeans and walks over to the lady. He asks, "Can you breathe?" She shakes her head no. "Can you speak?" he asks. She again shakes her head no.
With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt and starts to liск her вuтт. Shocked, the woman coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe.
The first Texan turns back to his friend and says, "Amazing how that there Hind Liск Maneuver works every time!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Viаgrа + Eyedrops = ?
Why'd the man take Viаgrа eyedrops?
Because he wanted to look hard!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

A frustrated wife got some Viаgrа for her husband. Her doctor told her to give him one pill a night, and that he would call to check in with her after a week.
That night, the wife popped one pill in her husband's food and got a good rogering.
The next night she gave him two pills. The sеx was even greater than the night before.
The following night she decided to give him the whole bottle. The sеx was unimaginable.
A week later, the doctor called to check on the patient. The couple's son answered the phone and sounded shaky. The doctor asked to speak to his mother. The son replied that his mother was in the hospital, the maid was pregnant, his вuтт was hurting, and his dad was standing nакеd in the front yard, yelling, "Here kitty, kitty...."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

One guy had three ваlls, so he went to the doctor. He was too shy to tell the doctor his story so he told him, "Let's just say me and you together have 5 ваlls in total."
So the doctor replied, "What! you've got four!?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
Her feet!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
''You are fine, how am I?''

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

Two sреrм are walking down the street. How do you know which one is happy?
It's the one with egg on its face!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day, Mr.
Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiот brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing above him.
"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested that your brother Bill name the kids."
"What! My brother, the idiот! I can't believe you let him! What did he name them?"
"He named your daughter Denise."
"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"
"He named your son Denephew."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

I don't even trust condoms.
I use trash bags and duct tape.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, "Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice соотеr."
"Excuse me?" says the husband.
"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice соотеr." The husband is a bit angry and goes in to talk to the doctor.
"What's this about my wife having a nice соотеr? I need a dамn good explanation."
"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who had a diск transplant?
His hand rejected it.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen, I ain't hоrny. I'm homesick."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Sex Jokes

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.
The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'' The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'' The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Food Jokes

Q: What do the toes say when they meet?
A: There is a fungus among us.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

When a doctor is checking your prostate gland, make sure he doesn't have both hands on your shoulders.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A guy went to the doctor to quit smoking, and the doctor gave him a nicotine patch, which he promptly put on his реnis. A couple of weeks, he came back to the doctor's.
"How's it going?" the doctor asked him.
"Great," he replied. "I haven't had a вuтт in weeks."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Did you hear about the man who did it with a parakeet?
He contracted chirpes. And the worst thing? It was untweetable.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a brain surgeon and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a brain surgeon!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

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