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A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I''m only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can''t tell. I''m only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward nurse passes by and sees the man getting a little distraught so she marches over to inquire what is wrong.
"Nurse," he mumbles, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse she is undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pajama trousers, moves his реnis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas, replaces the bedclothes and announces, "Nothing is wrong with them."
At this the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again,
"Are my test results back?"
Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes
Quelle est la différence entre un thermomètre buccal et un thermomètre anal ? Ректалният и обикновеният термометър на практика нямат разлика. Vad är det egentligen för skillnad på en termometer man tar i munnen och i rumpan? Ja, förutom smaken då. Woran sind Fieberthermometer für den Mund und Fieberthermometer für den After leicht zu unterscheiden? Am Geschmack! Mitä eroa on rektaali- ja kainalokuumemittareilla? - Maku
Medical and Doctor Jokes Gross Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes
There was this guy that went to the doctor to get is sреrм counted. The lady behind the desk handed him a jar and said, "Bring it back tomorrow, full." He says, "Okay, I'll be back tomorrow then."
Well he goes home and comes back the next day, and he hands the woman the jar. She says, "Nothing's in it." The man responds, "Well, I went home and I tried with my right hand and I tried with my left hand and nothing happened. I called my wife into the room, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her left hand. Nothing still happened. Well, we called our neighbor and she came over, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her left hand, and still nothing happened.
And the woman behind the counter looked stunned and asked, "You asked your neighbor over to help you!?" And he says, "Yeah, we couldn't get the jar open."
Налагало се да направят изследвания на спермата на един 75 годишен човек. Шишенце Chiste de la muestra de esperma Το καπάκι Το βαζάκι. Το κουτάκι ΔΙΑΦΟΡΑ ΣΟΚΙΝ 75-годишен старец отива при лекар с молба да изследват спермата му. Мужик на общем медицинском обследовании. Врач говорит ему: Мужик приходит в больницу на обследование. Мъж отива на общ медицински преглед. Докторът му казва: Alphonse, 75 ans, va voir son médecin pour une analyse de sperme. Son médecin lui donne un petit flacon et lui dit de revenir le lendemain pour l'analyse. An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. Um velhinho precisou fazer um exame de contagem de esperma. O médico deu a ele um potinho e disse: En 85-årig man från Piteå gick till doktorn och ville få gjort ett spermatest. Doktorn, som var Stockholmare, gav mannen en burk och sa: - Ta den här burken och kom tillbaka imorgon med ett... Een 85 jarige man ging naar de dokter voor een sperma-onderzoek. De dokter gaf de man een fles en vroeg hem tegen morgen wat sperma mee te brengen. De volgende dag kwam de oude man terug bij de... Após vários anos sem conseguir ter filhos, o casal decide ir consultar um especialista. — A primeira coisa que é preciso fazer — sugere o médico. — É um espermograma. Vou lhe dar este frasquinho... Bir gün ihtiyar bir adam, sperm testi yaptırmak için doktora gider. Doktor adama bir kavanoz verir şöyle der: ─ Buna numune için sperm koyun, yarın bana getirin. Ertesi gün ihtiyar adam kavanozu... 75-latek przyszedł do lekarza na badanie nasienia. Lekarz dał mu słoiczek i powiedział: - Proszę wziąć ten słoiczek do domu i przynieść na jutro dawkę spermy. Następnego dnia dziadek przychodzi i... Πάει ένας πενηντάχρονος στον γιατρό για εξέταση σπέρματος. Του δίνει ο γιατρός ένα μπουκαλάκι και του λέει να το φέρει γεμάτο. Έρχεται την επόμενη στο γιατρό απογοητευμένος με το μπουκάλι άδειο. -... El doctor le pide una muestra de esperma a un hombre de 85 años como parte de su chequeo anual. El doctor le da un frasco y le dice: "Lleve este frasco a casa y tráigalo de regreso mañana con la... Un vieil homme de 70 ans est allé à un test de sperme. Le docteur lui a donné une bouteille pour collecter le sperme. Le lendemain, l'homme arrive avec la bouteille vide, puis dit au docteur : -... 85-erių metų senuko daktaras paprašė tyrimams atnešti spermos. Padavė stiklinį indelį ir pasakė: - Jūs ramiai parsineškit namo ir atneškite rytoj analizams savo spermos. Kitą dieną senukas... The 85 year old man goes to the doctor's do get a check up, the doc says that he needs a sperm count and sends an empty jar home with the man. The next day, he comes back with an empty jar. When... An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right... An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample for the doctor, he turns up two days later with an empty jar. The doctor asks ‘Why don;t you have a sperm sample?’ The man says ‘Sorry, I... Ένας πενηντάχρονος, πάει στο γιατρό για εξέταση σπέρματος. Ο γιατρός του δίνει ένα άδειο βαζάκι και του λέει να το φέρει με δείγμα. Την άλλη μέρα πάει ο πενηντάχρονος με το βαζάκι άδειο. - Τι... Komt een man van 80 jaar met zijn aanstaande vrouw Van 20 jaar bij de dokter. Zij willen graag nog een kind, Maar de oude man wil van tevoren eerst even zijn sperma laten controleren. Dus krijgt... Un batran de 75 de ani merge La spital sa faca o analiza a spermei. Doctorul ii Da un borcanel si-i spune: - Ia borcanul asta Si vino cu analiza maine! A doua zi, batranul Apare, cu borcanul la fel... Bjarne skulle ta en sædprøve og fikk med seg et prøveglass hjem fra legen. En uke senere kom han tilbake med tomt glass, og legen lurte på hvorfor det var tomt. "Jo, nå skal du høre," sa Bjarne,...
Medical and Doctor Jokes
Nichts finden - Трудно ми е да Ви поставя диагноза... Вероятно причината е алкохолът. "Schwer zu sagen, was Sie haben", sagt der Doktor. "Liegt wahrscheinlich am Alkohol." — Я затрудняюсь поставить вам диагноз... Наверное, это алкоголизм. Der Internist zum Patienten: "Leider kann ich die Ursache Ihrer Krankheit nicht finden, aber vielleicht liegt es am Alkohol." "Gut, dann komme ich wieder, wenn Sie nüchtern sind, Herr Doktor..." Le docteur vient de finir l'examen de son patient et il lui dit: - Je ne vois pas bien quel est votre problème. Pour être franc avec vous, je pense que c'est du à l'excès d'alcool Le patient... Der Arzt zum Patienten: "Tut mir leid, aber ich kann bei Ihnen nichts finden. Es muss wohl am Alkohol liegen!" Der Patient: "Dann komme ich wieder, wenn Sie nüchtern sind!" Il dottore dopo aver visitato in modo completo il paziente sentenzia: "Non capisco la causa del suo disturbo; per me e' tutta colpa del bere". E il paziente: "In tal caso tornero' quando sara'... Przychodzi facet do lekarza twierdząc, że jest ogólnie w złej kondycji fizycznej. Lekarz poddał go całej serii badań, po czym mówi: - Wie pan co? W tej chwili nie mogę dokładnie stwierdzić co panu... - Badam pana i badam, ale wciąż nie mogę dojść przyczyny pańskiej dolegliwości. Przypuszczam, że to alkohol... - Dobrze, panie doktorze, przyjdę kiedy pan doktor wytrzeźwieje. As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.'' ''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come... Legen: - Jeg finner ikke ut hva som feiler Dem, men jeg tror sikkert det skyldes alkoholen. Pasienten: - Det er greit det, doktor. Jeg kan gjerne komme igjen en dag du er edru. - Jeg kan ikke præcis sige hvad årsagen er til Deres sygdom, Svendsen. Jeg er bange for, at det er på grund af spiritussen… - Det er jorden, doktor. Jeg kommer… hik… igen, når De bliver ædru… "Hmm...jeg kan ikke finde ud af hvad de fejler, men det skyldes sikkert alkohol!" "Det kender jeg godt. Jeg kommer bare tilbage en dag, hvor De er ædru, hr. doktor." — Ось так відразу мені важко поставити вам діагноз. Напевно, вся справа в алкоголізмі. — Нічого, доктор, я прийду, коли ви будете тверезим. "Man grūti pateikt, kas īsti jums kaiš", saka ārsts, "Iespējams, ka vainīgs ir alkohols." - Ā, nu nekas, daktera kungs. Es atnākušu citreiz, kad jūs būsiet skaidrā. Pijanac na pregledu kod doktora: - "Stvarno ne mogu utvrditi šta vam je. Mislim da je to zbog alkohola." - "Dobro, gospon doktore, doći ću kad se otrijeznite!"
Medical and Doctor Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes
There was a husband and a wife. The husband was very sick, so the wife took him to the hospital and the doctor checked him out. Then the doctor asked the wife to come into his office so they could talk about what was wrong with her husband.
He explained that, if she wanted her husband to live, she would have to pamper him, wait on him hand and foot, and not challenge him or argue with him - her husband needed absolute rest and no stress whatsoever. However, if her husband did any work or moved around much or got upset about anything, he would die. The doctor asked if she understood these conditions, and the wife assured him that she did.
When the wife came out, the husband asked her, “so what is the matter with me? Am I going to die?” And the wife said, “Yes, honey, I'm afraid you're going to die.”
Medical and Doctor Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes Military Jokes
There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."
So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."
So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."
The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one foot."
So the scientist cut off his last leg.
"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."
Medical and Doctor Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes Dog jokes
Artery:
Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria Barium: What to do when treatment fails Воwеl: Letter like A E I O or U Ceasarean Section: District in Rome Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Coma: Punctuation Mark Congenital: Friendly D & C: Where Washington is Dilate: To live long Enema: Not a friend Fester: Quicker Genital: Non-Jewish Hang Nail: Coat Hook Impotent: Distinguished, well known Labor pain: Hurt at work Morbid: Higher offer Nitrate: Cheeper than day Node: Was aware of Outpatient: Person fainted Post op: Letter Carrier Recovery Room: Place to apholster Rестuм: Dang near Killed Him Rheumatic: Amorous Secretion: Hiding something Tablet: Small table Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport Tibia: Country in North Africa Tumor: More than One Urinе: Opposite of 'you're out' Varicose: Nearby Vein: Conceited
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