Newest jokes - Page 394

The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Ma'am", said the employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered 'til Sunday."
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. "So that's why no one was in church today."

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How can you tell a black guy has been on your computer?
It's not there.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Computer Jokes Black People Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a hоокеr and a drug dealer?
A: A hоокеr can wash her сrаск and sell it again.

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Prostitute Jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Drug Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A: A sharp pain in the аss.

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Dirty jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if your sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hеll.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hеll, you'll be so dамn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.

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Dark Humor Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent,
"An Angel brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy.
"Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the angel brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!"
The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock. "HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."
"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.
"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again:
"Is there anyone else up there i could talk to?"

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God Jokes

A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."

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Pharmacist Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Science jokes Geek jokes Chemistry Jokes

Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
A: What the Fuск! and What a Fuск!

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I’m afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this rescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Phone jokes

Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Food Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Black People Jokes

I've been taking Viаgrа for my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.

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Viagra jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

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School Jokes USA Jokes

A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
Wife: 'What are you doing dear?'
Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'
Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?'
Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the вееr, and the other 2 were on the phone.'

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Phone jokes Beer Jokes

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.

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Animal Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Hunting Jokes

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Ramu: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Ramu: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes Science jokes

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."

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Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Bible Jokes

Justin Bieber puked on stage. That settles it, she's pregnant.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents.
Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Money jokes Music and Musician Jokes Friendship Jokes

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