Newest jokes - Page 396

Yo mama so ugly that she died of fright when she looked in the mirror.

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A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him.
"I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed.
No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time."
Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

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Military Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Management Jokes Beauty Jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor

I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Computer Jokes

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

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Dad Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Blonde Logic
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!
March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours...power went out!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid...8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!
June - Tried to go water skiing...couldn't find a lake with a slоре.
July - Lost вrеаsт sтrоке swimming competition...learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm...car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C"...isn't it?
October - Hate M & M's...they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days...instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!
December - Couldn't call 911..."duh"...there's no "eleven" button on the phone!
What a year!

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Blonde Jokes

Why is Нiтlеr never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Hitler Jokes

A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!"
Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."

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Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What is the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Black People Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Mexican jokes Black People Jokes

Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A: Pork Chop.

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Animal Jokes Sports Jokes Communication Jokes

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Attitude Jokes

Yo mama's so fат that when she puts on a jumper it's known as global warming.

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Yo Momma Jokes Weather jokes

When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of "open wide" while making airplane noises? Or do they just smash it into their faces?

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Kids Jokes Aviation Jokes Terrorist jokes

Why did the white guy go to the black guy's yard sale?
To get his stuff back.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full ofgolf ваlls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf ваlls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully andfinally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked."Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

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Blonde Jokes

What did one тiт say to the other?
I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes

George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" George was stunned. "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

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Lawyer Jokes Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Secretary Jokes

Thers a Blonde at a computer trying to play a game and it says "press any key to begin" and shes looking at the computer trying to find the any key

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Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes

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