Newest jokes - Page 419

Mother: "Why was the phone busy all night?"
Babysitter: "The fire department put me on hold."

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A professor and a doctor both love the same girl.
Each one tries to get rid of the other.
Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week.
Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there.
When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what."
Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready."
Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave."
Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know."
Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you."
Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does."
Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry."
Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my раnтiеs are just red."
Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going."
Her: "I'm really on my period."
Him: "Dамn! He got shot again..."

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Gross Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.

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Father's Day Jokes Kids Jokes Make My Day Laughs Love Jokes

Yo mama so fат, the only way scientists found out about space because you could see her from Earth.

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Yo Momma Jokes Science jokes

Q: Why is a girls рussy like an ocean?
A: It's really wet and has a Sреrм Whale in it.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.
She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there."
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus.
That was three hours ago.
Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing.
The ground was slippery.
So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's реnis.
His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"

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Dad Jokes Jokes about Women Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a реnis and 99 others could be filled with money.

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Sex Jokes

Programming is like sеx.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Sex Jokes Life Jokes

Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.”
Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Wife: "There is something wrong with you."
Me: "What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What did the letter O said to the letter Q?
A: Dude, your diск is hanging out.

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Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads.
The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me."
"Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's ceramic tile."

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Blonde Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunк with a slight chance of passing out.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes New year jokes

Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.

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Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.

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April Fools' Jokes

I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a тамроn was from.

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Dirty jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

Girl: I get hоrny everytime I hear something sеxuаl, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name?
Me: Sir BJ Аnаl The 69th.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

They have traced the Gаy Gene all the way back to the time of the Dinosaurs.
They found two distinct species.
They have named them Lickalotapus and Megasoreass.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Science jokes History Jokes Dinosaur jokes

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