Latest Jokes

This blond came into the airport to buy a ticket to Porta Viarte. When asked if she wanted a coach or first class she said, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Porta Viarte on vacation." Again the agent asked, "will this be first class?" The blond answered, "no, make it coach." So the ticket was processed for coach. The blond went to the gate, handed the agent her ticket and got on the plane, but she went to the first class section. The stewardess told her she would have to move to the back of the plane because her ticket was for coach. The blond said, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going on vacation to Porta Viarte, I will go first class." So the stewardess asked another stewardess to see what she could do. Same thing happened. So they got the co-captain to help, same thing happened. So they asked the captain to help. The captain looked at the blonde and smiled, веnт over and said something in her ear. The blond jumped up, hurried to the back section and sat down. Now in amazement, the crew wanted to know what the captain said to her. The captain just smiled at them and said, I told her "the first class doesn't go to Porta Viarte."
Blonde Jokes Military Jokes Aviation Jokes
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants." The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read: "Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my diск. Just send the wine back."
Banker Jokes BMW jokes Restaurant Jokes
Police Officer Jokes
Двама борци карат през гора. Двама приятели били на къмпинг. Една жена отишла с болния си мъж на лекар. Дпктора прегледал мъжа,хванал ръката на жената и й казал: Биле Гиго и Цветко на нудистичка плажа и змија го каснала Цветкота баш за најмашкиот дел од телото. Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s... La picadura de serpiente y los amigos Van dos colegas por la selva y uno se va a mear. Al rato, el que se ha quedado esperando oye los gritos de auxilio del que se ha ido a mear, éste va corriendo a ver que le pasa. Al llegar le dice: - ¿Qué te pasa? - Que estaba meando y me ha picado una serpiente en la punta del nabo. - Voy a... Estos eran dos tipos en un desierto. Uno dice: - tengo que ir a orinar, ya vengo. Este se va a orinar mientras que el otro se queda esperando. De repente se escucha un grito, -hay! la serpiente me... Супружеская пара приходит к врачу. Eine Frau begleitet ihren Ehemann zum Arzt.Nach dem Check-Up ruft der Arzt die Ehefrau allein in sein Zimmer und sagt: Deux soldats sont en missions dans la jungle. Tout-à-coup, l'un d'eux se fait piquer par un serpent, en plein dans son sexe ! L'autre, ne sachant pas quoi faire, appelle directement les médecins de... Ο άτυχος. Marito e moglie vanno dal medico perché l'uomo non sta per niente bene: il dottore lo visita e dopo chiede di parlare privatamente con la moglie.,"Signora, mi dispiace dirle che suo marito è molto provato e per questo lei lo deve accontentare in tutto e per tutto. Per esempio, se non vuole... Uma mulher acompanha o marido em um consultório médico e depois de fazer um check-up completo, o médico a chama dentro de outra sala e diz: — O seu marido está com stress profundo e se a senhora... Dois sujeitos muito ricos viajaram de férias para a selva Amazônica e resolveram caçar no meio do mato. De repente, um deles se apertou e precisou mijar quando inesperadamente foi abordado por uma... To mænd i dan australske ørken Den ene går om bag en kaktus for at tisse, HAPS, han bliver bidt i tisseren af en giftig slange. – Hjælp, råbte han til vennen, der straks ringede til de flyvende... Két telefonszerelő szerel a sivatagban. Az egyiknek a farkát megmarja egy mérges kígyó. A másik gyorsan felmászik egy telefonpóznára, beszól a kis kézitelefonjával a központba, hogy mi a teendő. A...
Medical and Doctor Jokes
Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse"
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is now "better, faster and cheaper."
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
Една мъдрост на индианците от Дакота гласи:
Business jokes Boss Jokes
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.
He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"
China Jokes Restaurant Jokes
Blonde Jokes
1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: it's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3. Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids. Bad: Your wife can't find her birth control pills. Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
5. Good: Your oldest son understands fashion. Bad: He's a cross-dresser. Ugly: He looks better than your wife.
6. Good: You give the 'birds and bees' talk to your 10 year old daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections.
7. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad: It's another man. Ugly: He's your best friend.
8. Good: Your 15 year old daughter got a new job Bad: As a hоокеr. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very Ugly: She makes more money than you do.
Christmas Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Какво казва майката на една блондинка на дъщеря си преди първата й среща с момче? Какво казва майката на дъщеря си блондинка, която излиза вечерта: Was sagt die Mutter der Blondine ihrer Tochter vor dem ersten Date? "Wenn Du vor 12 nicht im Bett bist, komm nach Hause!" Was sagt eine Blondine am Samstagabend um 23 Uhr? "Wenn ich um 23:30 Uhr nicht im Bett bin, gehe ich nach Hause." Qu'est-ce que dit une maman à sa fille blonde qui s'apprête à sortir ? Quel est le conseil que donne la mère d'une blonde à sa fille quand elle sort le soir ? Ma fille, si tu n'es pas couchée avant minuit, rentres à la maison !!! Μητρική συμβουλή !!! Συμβουλή πρίν απο το ραντεβού Ξανθιά μαμά - ξανθιά κόρη. Συμβουλή ξανθιάς μαμάς στην ξανθιά κόρη πριν την έξοδό της... Αν μέχρι τις 11:00 δεν είσαι στο κρεβάτι να γυρίσεις σπίτι. Cosa ha detto la mamma della bionda a suo figlia prima che quest’ultima andasse ad un appuntamento ? Se non sei a letto per mezzanotte, torna a casa. Co powiedziała mama do blondynki przed jej randką? - Jeśli nie będziesz w łóżku przed północą, wracaj do domu. Vad gör blondinen om hon inte är i säng före 12? Tar sin handväska och går hem Vad gör en blondin som inte är i säng före midnatt? – Ger upp och går hem från krogen. Hvad sagde blondinens mor inden blondinens første date? - Hvis du ikke er i seng inden kl 24:00, så kom hjem. Mitä äiti sanoi blondille, kun tämä oli lähdössä treffeille? - Jos et ole sängyssä klo 12:een mennessä, niin tule kotiin.
Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Monday jokes
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area. However, little did Bob know that the plant manager was going to be a tough customer to please. With a broad smile and a reassuring tone, Bob handed the plant manager a beautiful box of cigars as a gift, but the man barely gave it a sideways glance before he said, "No cigars for me, thank you. I smoked one once, and it was horrible." Bob is nothing if not prepared, so he offered to take the plant manager out for a few beers, but again the suggestion missed the mark. "No alcohol for me, thank you. I drank it once, and it was horrible." Not ready to give up just yet, Bob got a bright idea as he looked out the window and saw people playing golf. "That's quite alright," he told the plant manager. "How about you come and play a round of golf at my club as my personal guest?" However, for the third time, Bob's luck struck out, as the plant manager replied, "No golf for me, thank you. I played the sport once, and it was horrible." The plant manager had barely finished his sentence when a young man joined them at the table. "Let me introduce my son, Jason," the plant manager said. Surprised, Bob gave the young man a quick once over before he replied, "Let me guess, he is an only child?"
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Golf jokes Beer Jokes Boss Jokes
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Sаinт Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for НIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
Medical and Doctor Jokes
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