Newest jokes - Page 435

An Indian and an African walk into a bar...
Just jokin'.
It's just two liberal white women.

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An Arabic kid joined my football team.
All he did was вlоw the plays.

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Dark Humor Jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Soccer Jokes

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex.
To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nudе.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his “тооl of the trade”.
But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again.
He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.
He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.
Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Dating Jokes

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her," she says.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough. the doc says,
"What happened?" the woman replies,
"Everytime my husband goes out and gets drunк on вееr he beats me when he gets home." the doc thinks for a minute and says,
"I have a remedy for that... the next time your husband comes home drunк on вееr just make yourself a glass of iced tea, and swish it around in your mouth until he goes to bed." the woman goes home. two weeks later she returns to her doctor. the doc says,
"You look great, did you try my advice?" the woman replies,
"Yes i did, but how did you know it would work?" he tells her "see what happens when you keep your mouth shut for a change?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Beer Jokes

A white man walks into a bar and says to a bartender "Hey niggеr. Gimme a вееr".
The bartender says "Don't say that to me. What happened if I said something like that to you?".
"The white man says "I don't know lets find out".
They switch places.
The black comes in and said "Hey hоnкеy, gimme a f*ckin' вееr".
The white man says "Sorry. We don't serve niggеrs"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes White people jokes Beer Jokes

A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used тамроn and says, "We do, I'm making tea."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Dirty jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Vampire jokes

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.

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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes Sailor Jokes

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....
Cop :
"Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
Blonde :
"Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
Cop :
"Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Blonde :
"Oh! Sтuрid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on." At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.
Cop :
"Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."
Blonde :
"Oh... We just got off of highway 119".

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fат bird in my car?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Fat Jokes

A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can remember the exact words of the curse?" The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes Priest Jokes

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat.
Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Sеxuаl Studies Convention in Chicago".
He swallowed hard.
Here was the gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting about sеxuаl studies!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my extensive personal experience to share interesting facts about sexuality.
"Really," he gulped,"like what?"
"Well," she explained, "For instance, Native American Indians are the most passionate. While Jewish men are the most likely to satisfy a woman fully. And in terms of lasting the longest, surprisingly it's the Southern redneck."
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Um, Тоnто Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."

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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Redneck jokes Sex Jokes Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes American Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white ?"
"Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party... you are lucky that you not bark !"

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!"
"Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

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Relationship Jokes Sports Jokes Sex Jokes

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican says, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”

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Mexican jokes Nationality Jokes

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

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Men jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Beauty Jokes Birthday Jokes Love Jokes

A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Oh Gоddаммiт, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in.
The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!"
The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?"
The bartender says, "Yeah.."
The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?"
The bartender says, "It's across the road."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Priest Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Atheist Jokes Catholic Jokes Priest Jokes

A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."

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Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were atop a 5 story building when a genie appeared and told them to run to the edge, jump off, and name anything they want to become. the brunette ran, jumped off, and said butterfly, the redhead ran jumped and said eagle, the blonde ran tripped over the edge and said "ah shiт!"

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Blonde Jokes Genie jokes

A blonde texted me the other day and said, "Hey what's your phone number?"

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Blonde Jokes

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