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Latest Jokes

Q: Why aren't Pakistani good at Football?
A: Because every time they get a Corner, they open a shop.

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Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A:
"Wrap" music!

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Christmas Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

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Sports Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sexist Jokes

Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family?
A: The Sole inвrеd.

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Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
A: Invite an accountant.

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Q: What did Нiтlеr get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.

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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.

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Money jokes Political Jokes Democrat jokes Republican jokes

Q: How much does a hipster weigh?
A: An instagram.

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Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a tuba glue.

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Q. What do you call a fake noodle?
A. An Impasta!

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Pull on a coworker is to press ctrl+print screen on their workstation, then paste it into Paint, save the pic, and set it as the desktop background.
Move all of their icons to the trash.
When they get back to their desk, clicking won't accomplish anything!

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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes April Fools' Jokes

Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.

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My sister married a chinese billionaire. Cha Ching

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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either ruм, vоdка, or whiskey.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes New year jokes

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.
"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."
"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."

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little johnny sat in the classroom. the teacher says class if you can tell me who said these quotes, ill let you leave early. who said four score and seven years ago? nancy beats johnny to it and shouts abe lincoln! the teacher says nancy you can leave. who said ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for you? john kennedy shouts out susan. the teacher says very good susan you can leave. johnny says i wish these вiтсhеs would keep their mouths shut. the teacher says WHO SAID THAT?! johnny said tiger woods! can i leave now?

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Last week I was in Mobile, Alabama -- very glad to be here. There are mutants in Mobile. They got social mutants. They got rednecks wanting to be yuppies, couldn't quite make that crossover. Bought BMWs, put mud-tires on 'em. Know what I'm talking about? Porsches with rifle-racks. Deep-fried sushi. Just glad to be talking to a crowd with teeth, tonight, that's very important right now.

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Blue Collar Jokes BMW jokes

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Сhrisт!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your аss!"

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Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.

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