Newest jokes - Page 624

A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store.
He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it.
So he walks into the shop and asks an employee:
"Excuse me sir."
"How can I help you" the employee replies.
"Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?"
The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"

31 0

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and ваnging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

0 0

Friendship Jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes Nurse jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes

A very loud Texan Engineer was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large civil works in the USA that he was involved in. To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of some of Sydney’s larger constructions.
First he took him to Gladesville Bridge. The Texan exclaimed, "What’s that!” In reply the Australian said, "Thats the Gladesville Bridge".
"Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 5 years with 1000 men."
The Texan replied, "Well in Texas we would've done it in 2 years with 500 men."
Next they went to the Sydney Opera House. "What's that" said the Texan. "That's the Sydney Opera House" was the reply.
"Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 10 years with 200 men". The Texan replied "Well in Texas we would've done it in 4 years with 200 men."
By this stage the Australian was a little put out by the Texan's attitude so he decided to get some revenge, they walked around the Sydney Opera House and as they did the Sydney Harbor Bridge came into view.
Immediately the Texan exclaimed, "Wow! What's that?"
The Australian Engineer replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

14 0

Office and Work Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Australia Jokes

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

27 0

Attitude Jokes Money jokes

A young lady came home from a date rather sad. She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” asked her mother.
“Because he told me he’s an atheist. Mum he doesn’t believe there’s a hеll,” she replied.
“Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is!” said the mother.

14 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Atheist Jokes

When Chuck Norris visits Africa, the animals are required to stay in their cars.

22 0

Africa Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Yo momma so sтuрid she got locked in a matruss store and slept on the floor!

0 0

Yo Momma Jokes

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ...so I said "Implants?"

0 0

Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes Flirt jokes

How Many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer 10

1 to change it and 9 to sing about how good the old one was ;-)

0 0

Light bulb jokes

Why can't single women fаrт?
They don't get an аsshоlе till they get married.

29 0

Single People Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes

Golfer:
"I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy:
"Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."

19 0

Golf jokes Sports Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

A college student picked up his date at her parents home.
He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.
To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works.
Finally he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?”
“No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid.”

14 0

Office and Work Jokes Dating Jokes School Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Three statisticians go out hunting together.
After a while they spot a solitary rabbit.
The first statistician takes aim and overshoots.
The second aims and undershoots.
The third shouts out "We got him!"

26 0

Math Jokes

I was asked by my teacher, "What was Adolf Нiтlеr's book called?"
Apparently, Adolf Нiтlеr and the Gas Chambers of Secret wasn't the correct answer.

14 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Hitler Jokes School Jokes

Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.

11 0

Wine jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes

It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand. “It must have been terrible,” said the government man to a farmer. “All that snow.” “Could have been worse,” calmly answered the farmer. “My neighbor had more snow than me.” “How’s that?” asked the government man.
“More land,” replied the farmer.

26 0

Farmer Jokes Men jokes

I should write a роор joke about Russia. It goes like this:
'Hey Bill, why you Russian?' 'Oh, I'm in a hurry because I have a horrible case of the Trotskys.' 'I've got the opposite problem, Bill. I have the Stalins.' 'Well, at least you don't have to worry about ruining your Lenins.'

0 0

Nationality Jokes Russian Jokes

Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my вrеаsтs.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Неll, no! He just yelled, “April Fools!” And that’s when I shot the little ваsтаrd.

0 0

Friendship Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes April Fools' Jokes

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant.
His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce.
The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so dамnеd expensive?"
The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

42 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

My New Year’s resolutions are:
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.

7 0

New year jokes

Latest Jokes