Newest jokes - Page 624

A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like."
"Oh, that's easy," his pal replied, "All you have to do is find someone who is just like your mother."
"I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like."

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A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband.
"Don't you love him anymore?" asked the lawyer.
"Oh, I still love him," she replied, "but all he ever wants is make love, I can't take it anymore."
"Instead of divorcing him, why don't you try charging him every time he wants to make love?" the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.
As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her.
"Not so fast," she replied. "From now on it'll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom."
"Well, then," he said. "Here's $50."
The wife began walking to the bedroom.
"Hold on," he said, grabbing her hand. "That'll be five times in the kitchen!"

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Sex Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You sluт! How many is a brazilian?"

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God Jokes Blonde Jokes

A Preacher said: “If I had all the вееr in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river”.
And the congregation cried,”Amen!”
“And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it in the river”.
And the congregation cried,”Amen!”
“And if I had all the whiskey and ruм in the world, I’d take it all and throw it in the river”. Again the congregation cried,”Amen!”
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up& said: “For our closing hymn, let’s turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, ‘We shall drink from that river”.
THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUJAH

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, "It's my husband, you have to leave!"
The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He goes back to the house and says to the woman,
"Wait, I'm your husband!"
She replies giving him a dirтy look,
"So why did you run?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes American Presidents Humor

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me five shots of your best scotch!" The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can. "Wow, that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink!" says the bartender. "Well, you'd drink that fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The man replies, "50 cents."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being sтuрid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

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Blonde Jokes

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiот?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

yo momma is so poor people break into her house and leave her money

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Money jokes Men jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Yo mamma so fат, when she plays paintball her teammates hide behind her.

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Sports Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Yo mama so sтuрid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.

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Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Yo mama is so fат that when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

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Sex Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Why is a black man scared of a chain saw?
Cause it says, "run-niggа-niggа run-niggа-niggа".

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Why did the black guy cross the road?
Who the fuск cares, why is he out of the cotton field?

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Dark Humor Jokes Black People Jokes

Where does the one legged waitress work? The Ihop

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Office and Work Jokes

What's a pigs favorite karate move?
A pork chop!

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Animal Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What is a trees favorite drink?
Root вееr!

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes Beer Jokes

Want to hear a Potassium joke? K.

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Science jokes College jokes

The toilet at my local police station has been stolen. The cops have nothing to go on.

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Police Officer Jokes

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