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Top 10 rejection lines given by women (and of course what they actually mean!)
1) “I think of you as a brother.” - You have the sеx appeal of a Franciscan monk.
2) “There is a slight difference in our ages.” - You are positively Jurassic.
3) “I’m not attracted to you in that way.” - The bulge in your trousers is just not big enough.
4) “My life is too complicated right now.” - I’m bonking several better-looking guys already.
5) “I need some freedom to find my own space.” - I want the freedom to find someone to fill my space.
6) “I don’t date men where I work.” - I never date TWO men in the same office, because I’d get caught.
7) “It’s not you, it’s me.” - It’s not me it’s you!
8) “I’m concentrating on my career.” - Boring and UN-fulfilling as my job is, it is better than dating you.
9) “I’ve decided to be celibate.”- I’m already shаgging someone else.
10) “Let’s be friends.” - I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sеx with!
Top 10 rejection lines given by men (and what they actually mean)
1) “I think of you as a sister.” - You’re ugly.
2) “There’s a slight difference in our ages.” - You’re ugly.
3) “I’m not attracted to you in that way.” - You’re ugly.
4) “My life is too complicated right now.” - You’re ugly.
5) “I’ve got a girlfriend.” - You’re ugly.
6) “I don’t date women where I work.” - You’re ugly.
7) “It’s not you, it’s me.” - You’re ugly.
8) “I’m concentrating on my career.” - You’re ugly.
9) “I’m celibate.” - You’re ugly.
10) “Let’s be friends.” - You’re really fсuкing ugly.
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A sеамаn meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
The sеамаn notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The sеамаn asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks.
Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the sеамаn.
"What about your hook"?
"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords.
One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the sеамаn.
"How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
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Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......", then the electric power goes out. Michael's wife is very upset and, with a worried look on her face, she says, "Honey, I don' know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in Michael's voice, like all the men who are married to blondes exhibit, Michael says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time.
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W domu spokojnej starości, trzech dziadków toczy rozmowę przy śniadaniu. Pierwszy mówi: - Mam kamienie czy co? Nie mogę rano zrobić siku. Wstaje o 7-ej i pół godziny muszę się męczyć, aby coś poleciało. Drugi mówi: - Ja wstaje też o 7-ej, siadam na kiblu i nie mogę zrobić kupy. Po godzinie... Dois velhinhos conversavam, quando um disse ao outro: — Meu organismo funciona igual a um reloginho. — O outro pergunta, Porque? — Dai o velhinho responde: Todos os dias as 06:00 hs eu mijo, as... Mannen till läkaren: - Jag har ett problem. - Vad kan det vara? - Jag pissar klockan 7.00 och bajsar en halvtimme senare. - Det verkar vara normalt. - Visst. Men jag vaknar klockan 8.00! “De slechtste leeftijd is zestig”, zegt een 60-jarige man. “Je hebt altijd het gevoel dat je moet plassen en meestal sta je daar, maar er komt niets." " Zo, denk je dat dat een probleem is?”... Um velhinho chega pro outro e diz: — Sabe Clodomiro, meu organismo funciona como um reloginho.... As 5:00Hs eu faço coco, as 5:30 Hs eu faço xixi... E.... As 6:00Hs eu acordo...!
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Brave Pig With the Peg Leg Το γουρουνάκι. - Чичо, защо прасето е с дървен крак - ¿Cómo es que últimamente te va tan bien Pepe? - Se lo debo a un cerdo que me compré. Fue un poco caro, pero ¡es un genio! Es capaz de ir al casino ¡y ganar! Gracias a eso ya no tengo problemas económicos Además, me ha descubierto en la granja una mina de oro y petróleo. Él mismo se encarga de... Veterinären hör talas om en bonde som har en gris med protes. Han åker genast dit, och finner en sugga med vänster bakben helt av trä. Veterinären: - Detta är en medicinsk sensation. Varför har ni... Era una vez un tipo que recorría la carretera en su vehículo y de repente, a la orilla de esta ve a un cerdito con una patita de palo, y asombrado detuvo la marcha y se dijo, no lo puedo creer y se...
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On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lоvемакing encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. …
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. …
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had “charged” him for sеx, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, “If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!”
That’s when she shot him.
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