Latest Jokes

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.
The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
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There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf and do lots of things that took two arms.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all.
He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself. I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to кill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. So the guy had to ask him. ‘Why ARE you so happy anyway?’
The guy with no arms replied, ‘I’m NOT happy … My ваlls itch!!’
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Vad skulle hända om en jude som hade stånd gick rakt in i en vägg? Han skulle få väldigt ont i näsan. Om en jude går mot en vägg med stånd, vilken kroppsdel slår då i först? Näsan. Vad händer när en jude med en styv penis går in i en vägg? Han knäcker näsan. Hvad sker der når en kineser har stiv pik og løber ind i muren? – Han brækker næsen En jøde med stiv pik løber ind i muren, hvad rammer muren først? – Hans næse Hvad sker der, når en jøde med erigeret lem går direkte ind i Grædemuren? - han slår sin næse Ако надървен евреин се блъсне в стена, коя част от него ще се удари първа? Носът му Mitä tapahtui juutalaiselle, joka juoksi erektiossa seinää päin? – Hänen nenänsä murtui Cosa succede ad uno svedese in piena erezione che corre verso un muro? Si rompe il naso.
Boycott Jokes
Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left -- you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
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