Newest jokes - Page 821

An Indian cab driver picked up a Japanese man from a hotel. Along the way, they saw a Honda motorcycle overtake the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Motorcycle very fast, made in Japan." Then a Toyota car overtook the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Car very fast, made in Japan." When they reached the destination the fare was 1500 rupees. The Japanese man thought the ride was would only cost 500 rupees. He asked the driver why the ride was so expensive. The driver said, "Meter very fast, made in India."

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At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?!" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

It's just like the movie, 'Sideways' -- they'll drive to the vineyard, drink and drive, and there were no cops anywhere. I'm like, 'That's how you get away with it? I gotta try that in Chicago.' 'You been drinking tonight, sir?' 'No, just tasting. I got some cheese and crackers in the back.'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down next to him. Joe tells the bartender, “I'll take a large вееr.”
The bartender says, “Do you want dry вееr with no aftertaste, or brewed вееr with aftertaste?”
Joe thinks about this for a minute. “Ah, give me the brewed.” So the bartender gives it to him and he chugs it.
“No, no,” says Al, “think manly! I'll have a dry вееr.” The bartender goes to fix it.
“Why the dry?” Joe asks.
“Well,” says Al, “that way you can have one sip, and since it has no aftertaste, you can keep on drinking and forget you just had one!”

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes

If I were an astronaut, my first mission would be to Uranus.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes

Boy: You remind me of my pinky toe
Girl: Why?
Boy: Cause I'll probably end up ваnging you on the coffee table

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Coffee Jokes

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
"I've always been a big fаn of Chopin," said Bruce.
"I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

There was a school about learning roundhouse kicks.
No one finished it.
Why?
Chuck Norris kicked them with a roundhouse kick.
It's his only weakness so no one must know how to do Roundhouse Kick!

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School Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sports Jokes

Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

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School Jokes

Three dead men go to hеll at the same time. There is a white man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man. Sатаn tells them that they can only leave hеll if he can't do what they ask. The white man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes to into hеll. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into to hеll. The Mexican man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Sатаn which hole the fаrт came from. After pointing to every hole on the lid, the Mexican turns around, points at his вuтт hole, and says, "Nope, this one."

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.

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Technology Jokes Money jokes Yo Momma Jokes

What is so good about Chuck Norris?
He is just some sтuрid actor, if he was really that good he would come here and bash my head on the keyboD5LISDALGFRGY I idyfgylbhyuu2213874rt fsdnljsdha.

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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.
To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing.
St. Peter greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”

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Office and Work Jokes Old People Jokes Lawyer Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Q: What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
A: He braces himself.

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Office and Work Jokes Dentist Jokes

Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sеx and mystery.
Winner's story:
"Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."

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Religion jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!"

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Religion jokes God Jokes Priest Jokes

There was a crooked woman,
who ran a crooked mile.
She found a crooked Wеinеr,
who always made her smile.
She belongs in prison,
for she is just a crook.
And if you don't believe me,
you can read it in her book.

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Jokes about Women Funny Poems Prison Jokes Communication Jokes

A lady goes to the doctor, and says:
"Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?"
The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first."
So the lady takes her clothes off.
Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back."
A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it.
The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?"
And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shiт in here."

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes

Transvaccinated : I am not actually "vaccinated", but I identify as someone who is "vaccinated"

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Coronavirus Jokes

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