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Chemistry Jokes

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Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI
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Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician yells, "We got 'em!”
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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.
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Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
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Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2
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Q: What do you do with a sick scientist?
A: Well if you can't helium and you can't curium then you might as well barium
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My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
HeHe
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I lost an electron Das verlorene Elektron Iba un átomo caminado por la calle con cara de preocupación. Un átomo conocido lo ve y le pregunta: Qué tal amigo, ¿Por qué tan estresado? Es que perdí un electrón, respondió. ¿Estás seguro? Sí, estoy completamente positivo. Due atomi si incontrano per strada. Il primo: "Come va? Tutto bene?". L'altro, mesto: "Uh.. no.. ho subito una perdita... un mio elettrone...". "Ma ne sei certo?". "Eh, si'... sono risultato positivo..." Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..." Molecule 1: I just lost an electron. Molecule 2: Are you sure? Molecule 1: I’m positive. Dos moléculas están caminando en la calle y chocan. Una le dice a la otra: “¿Estas bien” “¡No, perdí un electrón!” “¿Estas seguro?” “Positivo” Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks, "What's wrong?" "I have lost my electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!" "How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies. Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron!" The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" "I'm positive."
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na
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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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