Communication Jokes

Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money?
A: He is always a little to short.

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I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company.
One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh.
The procedure required him to delete an old file.
On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted.
I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash.
Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash."
Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open."
So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper.
He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open."
Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open!
Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Communication Jokes

A man is watching TV supping the fourth can from his six pack.
"Don't go", he suddenly yells at the screen.
"Do not enter that building. Turn around and walk away. Aargh, you sтuрid man."
His wife calls from the kitchen, "what on earth are you watching?"
"Our wedding video," he bravely answers.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Wedding jokes Communication Jokes

When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it.
It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love.
He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him.
The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love.
I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.
After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind.
It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Technology Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes School Jokes

A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.
"Sure," I said, "as long as you provide your own kennel."
I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was flummoxed: "I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!"

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Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Aviation Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes

A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his соск.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
"I know" - replied the man - "I want two hands and a face put on this".

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the сriме scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."

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Judge and Court Jokes News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Prison Jokes Communication Jokes

Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down.
He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck.
He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking.
A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do.
He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him.
The windows roll down and smoke pours out.
He sees a bunch of empty вееr bottles.
The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?"
He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them.
The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Phone jokes Beer Jokes

A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."

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Sports Jokes Friendship Jokes Golf jokes Communication Jokes American Presidents Humor

When I arrived at a hotel in order to fill in my identities I noticed the word "sеx" so I wrote: YES PLEASE.

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Sex Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Hotel Jokes

Customer to Waiter: "This is the third time I'm asking you, do you serve pigs in here?!"
Waiter: "Sir Please sit down, this is the 100th time I telling you, we serve everyone here."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Vulgar jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."

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George W. Bush Jokes Military Jokes Political Jokes Single People Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rестаl thermometer in her pocket?
A: "Some аsshоlе has my pen!"

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Nurse jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes

A hunter was out with his dog Old Faithful when he sees a duck and shoots it down.
Old Faithful runs and brings his back the duck.
As the hunter reaches for the duck a forest ranger comes by snatches the duck out of Old Faithfuls mouth puts his finger in its аss pulls it out smells his finger and says
"This here is a Wisconsin duck, do you have a license to shoot Wisconsin ducks?"
The hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for a Wisconsin duck.
The officer says "thank you, sir, have a great day and leaves."
The hunter then proceeds with Old Faithful when he sees another duck, takes as I'm and shoots it down.
Old Faithful runs grab the duck and come back.
The hunters about to grab the duck when the same forest ranger comes back, grabs the duck out of the dog's mouth take his finger puts it up the ducks аss, pulls it out smells his finger and says
"This is an Ohio duck, have you got a license to shoot Ohio ducks, sir?"
The hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for an Ohio duck.
The officer looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir, just doing my job, have a nice day," and leaves.
Well, this kept happening over and over.
Every time the hunter shot a duck and Old Faithful would bring it back, the Same forest ranger would be there to question the hunter if he had a license for all the different ducks he shot, and in his bewilderment seeing the hunter having all these different licenses for each duck.
Well on the last duck the hunter shot and Old Faithful bringing it back, the Same forest ranger comes and triumphantly snatches the duck out of the dogs mouth, takes his finger puts it up the ducks аss, smells it and says
"This here is a Canadian duck, have you got a license to shoot Canadian duck?"
Exasperated, the hunter reaches into his wallet and pulls out a license for a Canadian duck.
The forest ranger looks at the hunter and says, "you know sir, you've had a license for every duck you shot, tell me, where are You from?"
The hunter turns around, drops his pants, bends over and says, "You tell me! You're the Expert!"

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Hunting Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Police Officer Jokes Communication Jokes Dog jokes

Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer.
"How's it going?", someone asked.
"Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes Communication Jokes

Mom was very upset when she found a воndаgе S&M magazine in her son's room. She showed it to her husband when he got home. He handed it back to her without a word.
She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?"
"Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

My wife told me, "Don't get upset if someone calls you fат." "You're much вiggеr than that."

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Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Communication Jokes

What did the pencil say to the sharpener?
Stop going in circles and get to the point.

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Communication Jokes