Computers - Page 4

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

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At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
‘If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?’
Among the forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

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Management Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Men jokes

There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."
The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before.
I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said "I think you're both wrong!
I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

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Programmer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Computer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

Two geeks are talking over lunch.
The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning.
A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' …
So I took the bike"
The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

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Geek jokes Computer Jokes

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.”
Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Netscape.”
Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?”
Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?”
Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.”
Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Internet Jokes

Error, no keyboard.
Press F1 to continue.

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
- Good monkey, it's worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
"What does this monkey know?"
"It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad."
"Nice, even I don't know those things."
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
"And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?"
"I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"

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Management Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

Funny facts about Google users: 50% of people use Google well as a search engine. The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected

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IT jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Internet Jokes

Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.

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Computer Jokes April Fools' Jokes

My attitude isn't bad.
It's in beta.

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Geek jokes Computer Jokes

How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.

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IT jokes Money jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

I'm not anti-social.
I'm just not user friendly.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Friendship Jokes

Jesus and the devil were arguing over which one of them was the better computer programmer.
"I am!" Jesus shouted.
"No, I am!" the devil countered.
"I am!"
"I am!"
"Me!"
"No, me!"
"EEEEEEENOUGH!" God bellowed, and the whole universe disappeared into darkness.
When the lights came back on, two computers were sitting in front of them.
God said "Now, whoever makes the best computer program in twenty minutes wins."
Jesus and the devil both sat down, typing and clicking furiously.
This went on for about 15 minutes, but then there was a power failure, and everything went dark.
When everything came back up again, the computer screens were both blank.
The devil tried in vain to get back everything he had lost.
He came up empty-handed.
Jesus pressed one key and it all came back.
The devil looked at him in astonishment. "No way! How did you do that?!"
Jesus turned to him and smiled, and said "Everybody knows Jesus saves."

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Programmer Jokes God Jokes Computer Jokes

The 21st century:
Deleting history is more important than making it.

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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes History Jokes

Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes

A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fuскеd now".

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Computer Jokes Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘реnis.’
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!

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Computer Jokes Jokes about Women Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980.

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Computer Jokes Geek jokes

Programmer: A machine that turns coffee into code.

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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes Coffee Jokes