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Dark Humor Jokes

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All I want for Christmas is you, lol JK, I want an iPhone 5.
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Christmas Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!
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Baby Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Morbid jokes
I just read about this terrible thing that goes on in parts of the world, parts of west Africa and parts of the Middle East. A woman turns of age -- as a ritual, they cut off her сliтоris: genital mutilation. This is awful. I heard about this, I thought, 'Oh my God, no matter how much I complain about our country, I should be thankful this will never be a ritual here 'cause the men here don't know where the сliтоris is.'
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Jokes about Women God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes
First Cannibal:
"Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal:
"That was no girl, that was my supper."
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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
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Dark Humor Jokes
In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters:
I have a good and a bad news for you.
The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots.
All the sisters start whistling happily.
But one of them asks:
What are the bad news?
Carrots came grated.
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News and Politics Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A:
"Does my bomb look big in this?"
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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes Terrorist jokes
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They вlоw up so fast, don’t they?"
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Old People Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes
I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
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Dark Humor Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes
telling a New Zealander that they are just a smaller Australia is like telling a Scottish person they are English you'll probably last about 9.99 milliseconds before you become haggis if you tell a Kiwi that the the same as a Aussie you'll become the NEW ZEALAND DISH OF pavlova. SO don't FUСКING CALL KIWIS AUSSIES.
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Dark Humor Jokes Australia Jokes
Daughter:
"That's it! I'll mary Arthur!"
Mother:
"But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!"
Father: "But you have to start with something!"
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
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Dark Humor Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Geek jokes Star Wars Jokes
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.
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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
A guy walks in the local whоrеhоusе, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money."
The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?"
The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room.
When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him.
He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her.
Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears.
He freaked, "омg she's sick."
He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"
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Money jokes Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Customer service jokes
This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read:
"Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her very most private part was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise."
So the old man faxed back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap..."
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Military Jokes
Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day.
It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
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Birthday Jokes Religion jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
Why did Sarah fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock knock
Who's there
Not Sarah.
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Dark Humor Jokes Knock-knock jokes Anti-Humor Jokes
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