Dark Humor - Page 4

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.
Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade.
A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone.
"Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.
"We were just one day out to sea, when Towards hooked a great fish. He fought long and hard, but he was pulled over the side and swallowed whole by the fish."
"Oh dear, what a huge, horrible fish that must of been!"
"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away."

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Dark Humor Jokes

There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

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Dark Humor Jokes

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.
The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of вееr on the wall... ."

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Dark Humor Jokes Beer Jokes

A bear was taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"
"No," replied the rabbit. The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his вuтт with him.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.

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Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Math Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Parrot jokes

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: "Is that you coughin'?"

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Dark Humor Jokes

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A: IHOP.

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Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

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God Jokes Religion jokes Dark Humor Jokes Boycott Jokes

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my аss.

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Insult Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

What's funnier than a zombie baby?
A zombie baby in a clown suit!

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Kids Jokes Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Baby Jokes Dead baby jokes

Need a Push?
Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing.
A: She had no arms.

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.

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Kids Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Christmas Jokes Baby Jokes

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died."You know,"
Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

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Kids Jokes God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

This was a really, really big year for me.
I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

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Looking Good Jokes Dark Humor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

How do you stop a blonde tank?
Shoot the people pushing it!

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Men vs Women Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Blonde Jokes

What do you call a doll on fire?
A Barbie-Q!

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Men vs Women Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget."
They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years. When they're done, Bob asks his wife, "Can we do it again?" This time it's even more passionate.
Later, as she is about to doze off, Bob gives her a nudge and says,
"Honey, I know it's getting late, but I think we can do it one more time."
"That's easy for you to say," she complains. " You don't have to get up in the morning."

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Dark Humor Jokes

While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest реnis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge реnis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the реnis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Dr. Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he'd hear an internal voice that said, "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably, the other voice would bring him back to reality.
"But Dave, you're a vet."

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Men vs Women Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes Morbid jokes