Medical and Doctor Jokes

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN ..
Q: What does HMO stand for?
A: This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges,who discovered that a patient could be made to forgetabout the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.
Q: I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctorI want?
A: Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Yourinsurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into twocategories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longerparticipating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has anoffice just a half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country.
Q: Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A: No. Only those you need.
Q: Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A: You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q: My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the namebrand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. Whatshould I do?
A: Poke yourself in the eye.
Q: What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A: You really shouldn't do that.
Q: I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform aheart transplant right in his office?
A: Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to sтrоке her thigh.
He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.
He then began to fоndlе her вrеаsтs.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or вrеаsт cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounts his patient and started having se-xual inтеrсоursе with her.
He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?”
“Yes,” she said. “You’re getting hеrреs; which is why I came here in the first place!”