Fitness jokes

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If you mixed vоdка with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts,' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
If you take an Oriental person and spin them around several times,do they become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called 'Poles,'why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'
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A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No, it's because you're 25."
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Where Is God?
A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and 10. At their wits' end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past.
The clergyman asked to see the boys individually. The eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what happened.
The younger brother replied, "We are in big trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!"
Kids Jokes Fitness jokes
Speaking a Woman's Language:
CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way in hеll I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.
DO I LOOK FАТ IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.
I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.
OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.
YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.
WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.
OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
There's no way I'm letting you think this is a date.
OH YES! RIGHT THERE!
Well, near there, I just want to get this over with.
I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We're gonna get drunк and make fun of you and your friends.
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