Food Jokes - Page 18

Q: What did the grape say when it was stepped on?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup."
Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Yo momma is so fат when she sat on da toilet it said here's a carrot and a diet coke.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Fat Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist.
They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore.
The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens."
The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job."
Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes

A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."

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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Yo mama's so fат that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Political Jokes Fat Jokes American Presidents Humor

One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room.
She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend.
“Your such an as***!” and she hung up.
Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin
“Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”.
Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word.
Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving.
Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SНIТ!”
Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shiт means.
Dad, being quite shocked answered
“It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.”
Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey.
Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight.
When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”.
Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.”
Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it.
When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there.
Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is?
”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shiт off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

Yo mamas so fат she eats cereal with a shovel

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Fat Jokes

A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an еrестiоn.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."

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Jewish Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.

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Cannibal Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A blonde enters a library.
She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
The librarian says "Ma'am this is library."
So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."

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Blonde Jokes Food Jokes Business jokes Stupid Jokes

First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."

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Cannibal Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dentist Jokes

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

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Pet Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes American Jokes Dog jokes

Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes One-Liner Jokes Phone jokes

Chuck Norris douses all his food in diesel fuel and sets it on fire, 'cuz he likes it mildly spicy.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes

Q: What do you call a соw playing with its self?
A: Beef stroganoff.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

A man walked out to the street and caught a black taxi just going by:
He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said. "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time!"
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody!"
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy!"
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right!"
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan!"
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his fuскing widow!"......

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Food Jokes Computer Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes Golf jokes Single People Jokes

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner.
Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck.
The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up.
Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in.
"Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look вiggеr."

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Political Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes American Presidents Humor

A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."
Responses:
American: "Keep trying!"
Briton: "Change Doctor!"
Aussie: "Follow a special diet."
Indian: "Practice yoga!"
Pinoy: "Let me try!"

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Nationality Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Couple jokes American Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes