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Food Jokes

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A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes Food Jokes Boss Jokes
A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese.
The young farmer's wife gave them a tour, a cheese making a demonstration, and finally some samples.
As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats.
She said, "This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?"
An old lady piped up, "Honey, they take us on bus tours."
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Food Jokes Old People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes American Jokes
Starbucks is offering a new drink to honor Nancy Pelosi.
They call it the "fullacrapuccino".
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Business jokes Food Jokes Political Jokes Democrat jokes Customer service jokes
An old man and a young man work together in an office.
The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his сriме.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
"Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
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Вземи тия лешници,че баба няма зъби,да ги яде! Баба вика внучката си: Старушка всегда угощала кондуктора кешью и миндалем. Uma velhinha sentada atrás do motorista do ônibus, oferece alguns amendoins para o moço, que aceita. Passado um tempo ela oferece mais alguns. O motorista come e pergunta para a velhinha: Un'anziana signora avvicina un tassista e gli offre un sacchetto di nocciole croccanti dicendogli che gli spiace buttarle ma lei senza denti non riesce a mangiarle. L'uomo per rispetto dell'anziana signora e in nome della sua economicità accetta il dono la ringrazia, quindi si mangia le... Un gruppo di anziane conigliette parte per una gita in pullman e dopo qualche ora di viaggio, una di loro offre una manciata generosa di arachidi al conducente, il quale accetta ben volentieri. Poco dopo, gliene porge altri ed altri ancora, fino a quando il conducente non si preoccupa ed... Момченце отишло на гости на баба си със свой приятел. Докато приказвало с баба си в кухнята, приятелят му ядял фъстъци от купичка на масата в дневната. Когато дошло време да си тръгват, приятелят извикал: - Благодаря за фъстъците! - Моля - отвърнала бабата. - Откакто си изгубих ченето, мога само... En busschaufför kör en buss fullastad med pensionärer längs en motorväg när en gammal dam kommer fram och knackar honom på axeln. Hon erbjuder honom en handfull med jordnötter, vilken han tacksamt äter upp. Efter cirka 15 minuter kommer hon återigen... Tur otobüsü şöförünün omzuna dokunulunca adam hafifçe başını çevirmiş, bir bakmış ki elinde bir avuç badem, yaşlı bir kadın durmakta.. Teşekkür ederek almış bademleri ve yemiş.. 15 dakika sonra...
Old People Jokes Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vоdка?."
The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.
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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Light bulb jokes
Q: Why did the butcher get fired from his job?
A: He was caught beating his meat.
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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
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Cannibal Jokes Food Jokes
Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day?
A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
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Thanksgiving Jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Political Jokes
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commentator.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist.
The woman asks for some good advices.
The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
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La mujer que quiere adelgazar y el médico simpatico Доста пълна пациентка е при доктора: A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." — Doutor como eu faço pra emagrecer? Trei sfaturi pentru slăbit: 1 - Întoarce capul la dreapta. 2 - Întoarce capul la stânga. 3 - Repetă acest exerciţiu ori de câte ori îţi oferă cineva de mâncare...
Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sеx life.
The doctor recommends Viаgrа.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viаgrа?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
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Viagra jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Couple jokes
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes
Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
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Food Jokes Flirt jokes Beauty Jokes Love Jokes
Yo mama is so sтuрid when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.
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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
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Food Jokes
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
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Jaimito rezando antes de comer Οχι βεβαια! Προσευχή στο φαγητό Свекървата казва на снахата: Батюшка спрашивает у прихожанина: "Verlangen deine Eltern von dir, dass du vor dem Essen betest?", erkundigt sich der Pfarrer. Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? В монастыре, монах Вовочке: A professora de Joãozinho pergunta: - Εσύ Τοτό κάνεις την προσευχή σου πριν το φαγητό; Κωστάκη κάνεις το σταυρό σου πριν φας? Andrea va per la prima volta a casa del suo compagno di classe Giulio; durante il pomeriggio fanno i compiti, giocano e poi Andrea viene invitato a rimanere a cena. — Joãozinho, me diga sinceramente, você ora antes de cada refeição? A professora pergunta aos alunos: — Quem aqui reza antes das refeições? Todos levantam a mão, menos Joãozinho. — Joãozinho! Você não reza antes das refeições? — Não, fessora... Lá em casa não precisa! A minha mãe cozinha bem! Jeden przedszkolak mówi do drugiego: - U mnie modlimy się przed każdym posiłkiem. - U mnie nie. Moja mama bardzo dobrze gotuje. La profesora le dice a Jaimito: - Jaimito; contesta sinceramente... ¿rezas antes de cada comida? Y Jaimito responde: - No maestra, mi madre es buena cocinera! Kees tegen Jantje: "Moeten jullie ook altijd bidden voor het eten?"Jantje: "Nee,  mijn moeder kan goed koken." Le curé demande à Toto : - Toto, est-ce que tu fais bien ta prière avant de manger ? - Non, monsieur le curé, je n'ai pas besoin de faire une prière. Maman fait très bien la cuisine! - Jorgito, ¿Vos no rezás antes de comer? - No señorita, mi mamá cocina muy bien. Священик - хлопцеві: - Ти читаєш молитву перед їжею? - Ні. Моя мати добре готує. Rukoillaanko teillä koulussa ennen ruokailua? tiedusteli äiti ekaluokkalaiselta. Ei meidän tarvitse. Opettaja sanoi, että meidän koulussa on tosi hyvät keittäjät. - Jaimito, ¿tú no rezas antes de comer? - No, mi madre es buena cocinera. Pikku-Kallelta kysyttiin pyhäkoulussa, luettiinko heidän perheessään ruokarukous ennen jokaista ateriaa. Pikku-Kalle vastasi ylpeänä: - Ei meidän tarvitse, meidän äiti on aika hyvä kokki. - Tu iti faci rugaciunea la masa, inainte de a Incepe sa maninci? - Nu e nevoie. Nu gateste nevasta-mea, ci Subsemnatul. Mokytojas klausia Petriuko: - Petriuk, ar tu meldiesi prieš valgant? Petriukas atsako: - Ne, mano mama skaniai gamina valgyt. - Jaimito tu rezas antes de comer? - No maestra,esta bien que mi mamá no cocine muy bien pero no es para tanto. Læreren til Lille Peder: - Beder I bordbøn derhjemme. Peder: - Nej, min mor laver god mad. Mācītājs jautā puikam: - Vai tu pirms ēšanas Dievu lūdzi? - Nē, mamma gatavo labi.
School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Food Jokes
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes
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