Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Most popular in this category
- So, Sophie, how’s your diet going? - It’s hard, but I’m holding strong—for now I’m refusing cookies on the internet.
- Софи, как върви диетата? - Трудно е, но се държа засега — вече отказвам бисквитките в интернет. - Ало, Софи, како оди диетата? - Тешко е, ама се држам засега — ги одбивам колачињата на интернет. - Entonces, Sofía, ¿cómo va tu dieta? - Es difícil, pero aguanto… por ahora estoy rechazando las cookies en internet. - Ну что, Софи, как продвигается твоя диета? - Тяжело, но держусь… пока что я отказываюсь от cookies в интернете. - Na, Sophie, wie läuft deine Diät? - Schwer, aber ich halte durch… vorerst lehne ich die Cookies im Internet ab. - Alors Sophie, ça avance ton régime ? - C’est difficile, mais je tiens bon… pour l’instant je refuse les cookies sur internet. - Λοιπόν Σοφί, πώς πάει η δίαιτα; - Δύσκολο, αλλά κρατιέμαι… προς το παρόν αρνούμαι τα cookies στο ίντερνετ. - Allora Sophie, come va la dieta? - È dura, ma resisto… per ora rifiuto i cookie su internet. - Ee Sophie, diyet nasıl gidiyor? - Zor ama dayanıyorum… şimdilik internetteki çerezleri reddediyorum. - Ну що, Софі, як просувається дієта? - Важко, але тримаюся… поки що відмовляюся від cookies в інтернеті. - Então, Sofia, como vai a dieta? - É difícil, mas estou a aguentar… por enquanto recuso os cookies na internet. - No i co, Sophie, jak idzie dieta? - Ciężko, ale się trzymam… na razie odrzucam cookies w internecie. - Nå Sophie, hur går dieten? - Det är svårt, men jag håller mig… än så länge tackar jag nej till cookies på internet. - Nou Sophie, hое gaat het met je dieet? - Het is moeilijk, maar ik hou vol… voorlopig weiger ik cookies op internet. - Nå Sophie, hvordan går din kur? - Det er svært, men jeg holder mig… indtil videre afviser jeg cookies på nettet. - Nå, Sophie, hvordan går dietten? - Det er vanskelig, men jeg holder ut… foreløpig avslår jeg cookies på nettet. - No niin Sophie, miten dieetti sujuu? - Vaikeaa, mutta pysyn tiukkana… toistaiseksi kieltäydyn internetin evästeistä. - Na, Sophie, hogy halad a diéta? - Nehéz, de tartom magam… egyelőre az internetes sütiket utasítom el. - Ei, Sophie, сuм merge dieta? - E greu, dar mă țin tare… deocamdată refuz cookie-urile pe internet. - Tak co, Sophie, jak pokračuje dieta? - Je to těžké, ale držím se… zatím odmítám cookies na internetu. - Na, Sofija, kaip sekasi dieta? - Sunku, bet laikausi… kol kas atsisakau slapukų internete. - Nu, Sofija, kā iet ar diētu? - Grūti, bet turu sevi rokās… pagaidām atsakos no sīkdatnēm internetā. - Pa, Sophie, kako napreduje dijeta? - Teško je, ali držim se… za sada odbijam kolačiće na internetu.
Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
For those who don't like numbers
За тези, които не обичат числа За оние што не сакаат броеви Para los que no les gustan los números Для тех, кто не любит цифры Für diejenigen, die keine Zahlen mögen Pour ceux qui n’aiment pas les chiffres Για όσους δεν τους αρέσουν οι αριθμοί Per chi non ama i numeri Sayıları sevmeyenler için Для тих, хто не любить цифри Para quem não gosta de números Dla tych, którzy nie lubią liczb För dem som inte gillar siffror Voor wie niet van cijfers houdt For dem, der ikke kan lide tal For de som ikke liker tall Niille, jotka eivät pidä numeroista Azoknak, akik nem szeretik a számokat Pentru cei cărora nu le plac numerele Pro ty, kteří nemají rádi čísla Tiems, kurie nemėgsta skaičių Tiem, kuriem nepatīk cipari Za one koji ne vole brojeve
Fat Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
When you're on a diet and someone offers you carbs
Когато си на диета и някой ти предложи въглехидрати Кога си на диета и некој ти понуди јаглехидрати Cuando estás a dieta y alguien te ofrece carbohidratos Когда ты на диете, а тебе предлагают углеводы Wenn du auf Diät bist und dir jemand Kohlenhydrate anbietet Quand tu es au régime et que quelqu’un t’offre des glucides Όταν είσαι σε δίαιτα και κάποιος σου προσφέρει υδατάνθρακες Quando sei a dieta e qualcuno ti offre dei carboidrati Diyettesin ve biri sana karbonhidrat teklif ediyor Коли ти на дієті, а хтось пропонує тобі вуглеводи Quando estás de dieta e alguém te oferece carboidratos Kiedy jesteś na diecie, a ktoś proponuje ci węglowodany När du är på diet och någon erbjuder dig kolhydrater Wanneer je op dieet веnт en iemand biedt je koolhydraten aan Når du er på slankekur og nogen tilbyder dig kulhydrater Når du er på diett og noen tilbyr deg karbohydrater Kun olet dieetillä ja joku tarjoaa sinulle hiilihydraatteja Amikor diétázol, és valaki szénhidrátot kínál Când ești la dietă și cineva îți oferă carbohidrați Když jsi na dietě a někdo ti nabídne sacharidy Kai laikaisi dietos ir kas nors pasiūlo angliavandenių Kad esi diētā un kāds tev piedāvā ogļhidrātus Kad si na dijeti i netko ti ponudi ugljikohidrate
Food Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
First day of diet: Full support from the family!
Първи ден от диета: Пълна подкрепа от семейството! Прв ден од диета: Целосна поддршка од семејството! Primer día de dieta: ¡Apoyo total de la familia! Первый день диеты: Полная поддержка семьи! Erster Tag der Diät: Volle Unterstützung von der Familie! Premier jour de régime : Soutien total de la famille ! Πρώτη μέρα δίαιτας: Πλήρης υποστήριξη από την οικογένεια! Primo giorno di dieta: Pieno sostegno della famiglia! Diyetin ilk günü: Ailenin tam desteği! Перший день дієти: Повна підтримка родини! Primeiro dia de dieta: Apoio total da família! Pierwszy dzień diety: Pełne wsparcie rodziny! Första dagen på diet: Fullt stöd från familjen! Eerste dag van dieet: Volledige steun van de familie! Første dag på kur: Fuld støtte fra familien! Første dag på diett: Full støtte fra familien! Ensimmäinen dieettipäivä: Täysi tuki perheeltä! Első nap a diétában: A család teljes támogatása! Prima zi de dietă: Sprijin total din partea familiei! První den diety: Plná podpora od rodiny! Pirmoji dietos diena: Visiškas šeimos palaikymas! Pirmā diētas diena: Pilns atbalsts no ģimenes! Prvi dan dijete: Puna podrška obitelji!
Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked,
"Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"
Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
What is the worst thing about sеx with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: What do Blondes say after sеx?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sеx?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving оrgаsм?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do blonds have оrgаsмs ?
A: So they know when to stop having sеx !
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches оrgаsм?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: What does a blonde say when you вlоw in their ear?
A:"Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1:
"What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
There one was a heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad that read: Lose weight: Only $1.00 a pound Call (202) 555-0238 The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice on the other end asked,
"How much weight do you want to lose?" The man responded, "Ten pounds." The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning." About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redhead, completely nакеd except for a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me." Well,the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was through enjoying himself, she said,
"Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce! That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked,
"How much weight do you want to lose?"--to which the somewhat-less-overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."
"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
"At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me." The chase took a good while longer this time and the man nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was through she told him, "Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds! "This is fantastic!" he thought to himself. Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked,
"How much weight do you want to lose?"
"Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed. "Fifty pounds?" the voice asked,
"That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time." The man replied, "Listen buddy, here's my credit card number, you just have your representative over here in the morning!" and he hung up the phone. About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door, he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stating, "If I catch you, I am going to have you."
Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A: They can't remember the number. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A:
"What's a lightbulb?" Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" Q: How do you get rid of blondes? A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10bill. Who picks it up? A: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes
Friday jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes