Halloween Jokes

Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I've been wearing a mask and eating candy for 7 months now, I don't think I need a day dedicated to it anymore.

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Halloween Jokes

For Halloween I'm going to go as a normal person with no mask since that seems to scare the shiт out of everyone.

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Halloween Jokes

Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Halloween Jokes Communication Jokes

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween.

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Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Holiday Jokes

I discovered that answering the door nакеd helps deter trick or treater's.
Oh, Here we go again, here's two dressed as policemen...

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Halloween Jokes

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Halloween Jokes

For Halloween I'm dressing up as my wife because it's a fuскing nightmare.

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Halloween Jokes

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.

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Halloween Jokes Business jokes

Q) Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween?
A) It didn’t have a haunting license.
Q) What are a ghost’s favorite rides at the fair?
A) The scary-go-round and rollerghoster!
Q) Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
A) Because they were trans-parents!
Q) Which ghost is the best dancer?
A) The Boogie Man!
Q) Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
A) It raises their spirits.
Q) What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A)Bamboo.
Q) Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?
A) It dampens their spirits!
Q) What part of a house do ghosts and spirits avoid?
A) The living room.
Q) Why are ghosts such terrible liars?
A) Because you can see right through them.
Q) How did the little ghost learn to play the piano?
A) By using sheet music
Q) Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A) For the Boos.
Q) Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A) Mali-boo.

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Police Officer Jokes Halloween Jokes

"On Halloween, what is the most read part of a newspaper? The 'Horrorscope.'"

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Halloween Jokes One-Liner Jokes

It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

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Accountant Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Halloween Jokes

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin ваnging its way down the middle of the street towards him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ... faster... faster... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man SCREAMS and reaches for something heavy, anything .. his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin. Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as hard as he can at the apparition... and... the coffin stops!

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Halloween Jokes

Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!

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Halloween Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Several days before Halloween, Tom, Diск and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle.
Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.
Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.
And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.
The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
"Me too," replied Diск.
"And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"
"Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to toilet paper."

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Halloween Jokes Christmas Jokes

You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

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Redneck jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Halloween Jokes

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?

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Yo Momma Jokes Halloween Jokes Ugly Jokes

TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors

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Halloween Jokes Religion jokes One-Liner Jokes

I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.

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Halloween Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Ugly Jokes

Two monsters went to a Halloween party.
Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

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Halloween Jokes Gross Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Flirt jokes

A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?"
I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?"
He said, "A werewolf."
I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on."
He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"

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Halloween Jokes Kids Jokes