Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

You might be a redneck if you let your sixteen year old daughter smoke at the dinner table...
...in front of her kids.

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Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.
"Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!"

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Kids Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

Chuck Norris has 2 kids.
We know them as Pain and Suffering.

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Kids Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set.
"If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?"
The boy became very quiet.
So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?"
He promptly replied, "Another train."

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Christmas Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

A boy was talking to his kindergarten friend at recess. He said, "When I grow up I want to be the big bad wolf."

"Why?" asked his friend.

"Because I want to deliver presents to kids all over the world on Christmas," he replied.

Looking puzzled his friend said, "I believe you’re thinking of Santa Claus."

"Nope," he replies, "it’s the big bad wolf. How else are you going to put presents in locked houses?"

"Then what does Santa Clause do?" asked the friend.

"Santa puts money under your pillow if you lose a tooth. Next recess I’ll tell you how Little Red Riding hood met the three bears. Oh and why the Easter Bunny hangs out with the three little pigs who went wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

"How do you know all this stuff?"

"It’s easy, mom makes my dad read to me every night."

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Christmas Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Easter Jokes

A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids.
The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof.
The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque.
The Catholic Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only show up at Christmas and Easter.

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Christmas Jokes Religion jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Easter Jokes Priest Jokes

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great, he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees now. No need to jump the gun. I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said,
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that соw?"

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Mary's father has 5 daughters,
1. Nana
2. Nono
3. Nini
4. Nene
What is the fifth daughters name?

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Dad Jokes Kids Jokes

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
"You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
"Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Shiт mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops."
(WHACK...she spanks him)
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know mum, but it won't be fuскing Fruit Loops."

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Old People Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave.
"No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating.
They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."

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Military Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes

Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes Black People Jokes

Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.

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Kids Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Animal Jokes

A little girl took her report card home and showed it to mom.
The mother was very disappointed by all the very low grades.
"Well look on the bright side" said the child, "you know for sure I don't cheat."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Stupid Jokes

Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

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Kids Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

When I was a kid, we all played spin the bottle. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a penny.
By the time I was 16 I owned my own house.

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Kids Jokes Ugly Jokes

How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

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History Jokes Kids Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence.
Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green."
The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall."
The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors."
From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly."
Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shiт my pants!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Fart Jokes

Willy:
"Mom, are our neighbors very poor people?
Mother:
"I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?"
Willy:
"Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."

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Baby Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Kids Jokes

A teacher has a class full of rednecks. She asks someone to use the word 'Timbuktu' in a story.
A scrawny kid in the back raises his hand and recites proudly:
Tim and me, a hikin' we went,
Till we found three whоrеs in a pitch-up tent.
They were three and we were two;
So I buck one and Tim buck two!

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Kids Jokes Redneck jokes School Jokes