A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.
"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?"
"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.
"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
"Yes," Replied the farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.
"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?"
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
3) Overcharging fees to many clients.
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
...And the list goes on for quite awhile. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues,
"Wait, I've done some charity in my life also."
St. Peter looks in his book and says,
"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies,
"Yes."
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says,
"Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hеll."