Relationship Jokes

My wife couldn’t wait to get home after our wedding reception. I was pretty keen as well, thinking she was after the night of passionate sеx I had in mind.
Turned out she just wanted to change her relationship status on Facebook from ‘Engaged’ to ‘Married’.

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Why can’t the Pillsbury Doughboy get into a lasting relationship?
He gives his partners yeast infections.

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Relationship Jokes Dating Jokes

A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house nакеd. So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed nакеd and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack." She says "I'm going to call 911, while I'm really looking for my sister." She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nudе, and gives her a slap, "How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you're running around scaring the kids!"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

Man:
"Wanna hear a joke about my реnis? Oh never mind, it's too long."
Woman:
"Want to hear a joke about my vаginа? Never mind, you'll never get it."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

The most important element in a relationship is communication, and women are much better at verbalizing their needs and their emotions than men 'cause they've been practicing for millions of years. Since the dawn of time, women have been getting together with their friends and discussing men, striving to reach an understanding... While men on the other hand, for millions of years, we've been getting together with our friends, looking at women and saying, 'Hey, nice вuтт!' So, we're really rетаrdеd in comparison.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes

1.Happiness is only a shoe shop away
2.If you fаrт it is blamed on the nearest man
3.It is always the mans fault if the car goes wrong
4.Chocolate can really solve problems
5.You can end a fight by crying
6.You have the right to be a pain every month

1.you always get the blame if something goes wrong
2.the kids always see you as the one that tells them to tidy their room and that they can't get a dog
3.The kitchen
4.People annoy you at totally the wrong time with their problems
5. The week after your period no one likes you
6.If you break up your relationship you only get half your cds back

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes Chocolate Jokes Dog jokes

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Relationship Jokes

“You’re so childish” screamed the wife. “Why do you always have to use that sтuрid walkie talkie with your sтuрid friends, this is ridiculous, this relationship is over!”
“This relationship is what? Over”

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Masturbation jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Dirty jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes

You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

Marraige is a 3-ring circus.
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

I tried to text my girlfriend last night to say ‘sorry ваве. I can’t come over tonight. I have to work. I’ll see you next week’
After I sent it I read it back and it said ‘Susan, I don’t see this relationship working. I am going to dump you in a public place next week. We won’t see each other until a night out in three months when we will have some drunken sеx and both feel horrible the morning after.’
I had fuскing predictive text on.

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Dating Jokes

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fат Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch. Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fат man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp." Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one." Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I want to be the best golfer ever." The surprised genie said, "You sure? Most people wish for money, but okay. Now your wife gets one wish." Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, "I want a million dollars every week of my life." The genie said, "Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I've been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sеx with your wife, Dylan." Dylan said, "No way!" The genie replied, "Not even for a million dollars a week?" Dylan turned to his wife, who said, "I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves." Dylan said, "Okay, have fun, I guess," and left. Dylan's wife then proceeded to have wild sеx for the rest of the day with the genie. When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was. She said, "Forty-five." The Genie laughed and said, "Isn't he a little old to be believing in genies?"

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Fat Jokes

Teacher:
"Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"
Student:
"A heart attack."

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes Math Jokes

When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.

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Sexist Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes

Wife: What are your plans for Easter?
Husband: Same as Jesus...

Wife: What do you mean?
Husband: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!

On hearing that the wife retorts,"AWESOME, you do that, I'll do a Mary and show up pregnant untouched by my husband."

The man stayed home.

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes Easter Jokes

Two years into our relationship, my girlfriend commented that she doesn’t think I’m committed.
“Of course I am, baby,” I assured her.
“Okay,” she smiled kissing me on the cheek, “make sure you call me in the morning.”
“I will,” I replied, pulling out my phone. “What’s your number?”

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Relationship Jokes Dating Jokes

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

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Relationship Jokes