School Jokes

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My son told his teacher the Indians could not possibly have served popcorn to the Pilgrims at the first Thanksgiving because they didn't have microwave ovens.

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Kids Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes School Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

What did the young Arnold Schwarzenegger state, when attending music school in Austria, after turning down the chance to become another Beethoven, Mozart or Chopin? What did he say?
"I'll be Bach."

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School Jokes Political Jokes

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class.
The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it.
So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"Abcdefghijlkmnoqrstuvwxyz."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Chuck Norris's 1st Grade teacher asked him how many stars there were on the American Flag.
Chuck Norris replied "Yes." and was correct.

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School Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes American Jokes

A student to his teacher:
"I haven't got no pencil."
Teacher, correcting him:
"You don't have any pencil.
He doesn't have any pencils.
We don't have any pencils."
Student, with a look of astonishment:
"Where have all the pencils gone?"

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School Jokes Student jokes

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

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School Jokes Money jokes Sarcasm Jokes

The cruel kids at school used to call me four eyes.
Still, quite a creative nickname seeing as I- I- I- I have a stutter..

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Disability Jokes

"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor."
"But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... кill a mosquito."

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

English:
Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.
Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”
“Under my bench,” he replies.
French:
Toto est à l’école et demande s’il peut aller au salle de bain. La maîtresse dit non.
Puis, elle demande à Toto, “Où est le plus grand riviere du monde ?”
“Sous mon banc,” il répond.

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Nationality Jokes School Jokes

Yo mama so fат when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

A college professor was giving a big science test. Upon collecting the tests she noticed a note attached to one of them with a $100 bill underneath it. The note read, “One dollar per point please.”
The professor returned the test the following with $40 and a note attached. The note read, “Here's your $40 change.”

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School Jokes Science jokes

What does the informatics teacher scream when he’s drowning? -F1, F1, F1...

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes School Jokes

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the teacher.
Little Johnny raises his hand as says,
“A congressman.”
The teacher asked why and Little Johnny replied,
"Because they spend most of their time at recess."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Teacher:
"Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Alex:
"No, Miss."
Teacher:
"Then stop acting like a fool!"

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School Jokes

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said,
"Are you kidding?" The student said,
"No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

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School Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with ‘tor’ that eat things.
The first little boy says, “Alligator.”
“Very good, that’s a big word.”
The second boy says, “Predator.”
“Yes, that’s another big word. Well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Viвrатоr, Miss.”
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my sister has one and she says it eats fсuкing batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Luke: Why did the M&M go to school?
Stan: I’m stumped.
Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

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School Jokes

When I was at school, fifty two percent of the class were good at maths. I was one of the other thirty eight percent.

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Math Jokes School Jokes

My daughter hates school.
One weekend she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday.
Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying, and whining built to a crescendo.
At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put Daddy in jail.”
She looked at me, thought a moment, then asked, “How long would you have to stay?”

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Monday jokes School Jokes