School jokes, Teacher Jokes

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right….
…..
Alcohol IS a solution.

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White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.
We do it in schools, because we have class.

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Black People Jokes White people jokes School Jokes Criminal Jokes

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

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Birthday Jokes School Jokes

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."The teacher paused and said,
"But no one knows what God looks like."Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes School Jokes

How was the Canadian student kicked out of class?
The teacher sat him down and then asked him to leave.

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Canadian jokes School Jokes

Why are Canadian students so smart?
They get lots of ehs.

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Canadian jokes School Jokes

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.
I said, “yeah it’s pretty straightforward.”

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Physics jokes School Jokes

People think kids are the only ones that want to get out of class at 3 o'clock every single day. No, no -- go see the teachers on a Friday at 3 o'clock. You'll see teachers stiff-arming kids on the way out to the parking lot.

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Single People Jokes School Jokes

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll be able to eat for a lifetime. … …
….
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he’ll become a prince.

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School Jokes Men jokes Fishing Jokes

The college teacher noticed that his exchange student, André, suddenly had started attracting a lot of female attention.
So, one day he asks André about his secret. André replies:
“Well, before sеx I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer”.
Later that day, the college teacher gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome opportunity for sеx. So, he quickly undresses and starts ваnging his diск against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:
“Is that you, André?”.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes School Jokes

Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10.
And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10".
The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Math Jokes

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
“Give four advantages of вrеаsт milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can’t steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.

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School Jokes Science jokes

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked,
"Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Grandparent Jokes

One day, Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class, “Children, if you know the answer, please raise your hand! Tell me things you can suск!”
“Ice cream, ma’am!” Little Mary answered.
“Good, Jane.” teacher said, “Anyone else?”
“How about a lollipop?” said Steven.
“Very good, now it’s your turn Johnny!” the teacher said.
Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, “A lamp!”
The teacher and all of the students wondered about Little Johnny’s answer.
Then the teacher asked him, “Johnny, why do you think one can suск a lamp?”
“Well, last night when I passed my parents’ bedroom”, Little Johnny answered, “I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suск it.”

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Yo mamma is so fат, the only good grade she got in school was an "A" in lunch.

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School Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

After discussing the “food chain” with my fifth grade class, I told them their weekend homework was to write a sentence showing they understood the meaning of the term. On Monday morning, one student handed this in:
“Burger King is my favorite food chain.”

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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes School Jokes

I was talking to my wife today after our son got sent home early from school for swearing.
I said, “Apparently, he said the ‘c’ word.”
She said, “Well that wasn’t clever was it?”
I replied, “No… It was ‘c*nt’.”

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School Jokes Stupid Jokes

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy, while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Johnny, I have been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Dog jokes

- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"?
- "No, I had sеx in high school."

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School Jokes Sex Jokes

Teacher: You boy, what’s your name?
Boy: Mickey Jones.
Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here.
We don’t use first names.
Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.

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School Jokes Dad Jokes