Women - Page 74

The president of Mexico back, in the 80’s, locked in the entire senate one good day.
“No one leaves till we have a solution to our crumbling economy!!”
3 days they discussed plans, but to no avail.
Finally, on day 4, one congressmen stands up and excitedly announces he has a plan!!!
“We’ll declare war on the USA.” he announced
“WHY would we want to do THAT?” asked the shocked president.
“Well,” explained the young man, “then they’ll invade us and we will become THEIR problem. We”ll be added to their welfare, the food stamps, the unemployment…see????”
The room exploded with men and women agreeing with the plan, but the President looked unconvinced…
“What is wrong with the plan?” asked the Vice president
“Well… it is all fine and good… but what happens if we win??

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Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes

Why do women have 2% more brains then a соw?
So, when you pull their тiтs they won't shiт on the floor.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Boob Jokes

Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.
“Bill,” advised the doctor, “I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song.”
Bill thought for a few minutes, then said:
“Tell you what doc, I’ll settle for five more years and just give up singing.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes Sick and Death Jokes

My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid.
She thinks I’m following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is….. Purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it’s not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

I've been in love with the same woman for 20 years. If my wife finds out, she'll кill me.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

How do we not know what women want yet? There are tons of conflicting lists all over the internet.

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Jokes about Women Programmer Jokes Internet Jokes

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sеx at that age.”
“Curious about sеx?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fuскing appendix out!”

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Jokes about Women Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Nurse jokes

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says,
"I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sеx with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

It’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (Carrizozo, New Mexico) …
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Red cars may not drive down Lake Street (Minneapolis, Minnesota) …
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Marriage between cousins is against the law only if they are younger than 65 (Utah) …
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You are not allowed to eat fried chicken any other way than using your hands (Gainesville, Georgia)…
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In San Antonio, Texas, flirting is against the law. …
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Bear wrestling matches are prohibited (Alabama)
You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit (Wyoming)
It’s illegal to attend a public event or use public transport within 4 hours of eating an onions or garlic (Indiana)
In Idaho, it’s illegal for a man to give his fiancé a box of candy that weighs more than 50 lbs (22.5 kg)

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink while washing dishes.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby.
“Look at the size of his todger,” says the man. “It’s massive!”
“Yes dear,” says the woman. “But at least he’s got your ears.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for rарing his sister.

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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“Because i forgot where i put him.

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Jokes about Women Technology Jokes Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes

A niggеr was walking in the jungle when he saw a sеxy woman that was fighting for her life with a giant snake.
The Niggеr quickly jumps and kills the snake.
The woman says to him:
You saved me!
I am I magic fairy and I can grand you any wish.
I would like you to make me white and put me between your legs.
Then, the fairy made him into cotton wall тамроn...

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Ollie and Lena visit New York City. Caught in traffic on East 46th, a homeless person starts washing the windshield. Ole rolls down the window. …
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“Eh how’s it going?” the homeless guy says. …
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“Ohhh it’s OK. Ole says. …
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“Hey where are you folks from?”
“Ohh ve’re from Minnesota.”
“Ohhh Minnesota, I’ve been there. I met the ugliest woman I ever saw in Minnesota!”
Lena asks “Vat’s he saying Ollie?”
“Ohhh he says he knows you Lena.”

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

Why do most homes have a window above the kitchen sink?
It gives women a point of view.

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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I said,
"Are you two an item?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes

The first-time flier was very nervous as he buckled his seat belt before takeoff. He turned to the woman in the next seat and asked,
"About how often do jetliners like this crash?"
She thought a moment and replied, "Usually, just once."

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Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes