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Technology

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It used to be cool to have a Gold tooth, now its a cheap Bluetooth!!!
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You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
You say "voice number" instead of "phone number" as the majority of phone lines in any house are linked to contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
You back up your data every day.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You understand all these jokes.
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Your mom's so sтuрid she went to the dentist for a bluetooth!!!
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A man once drove his car into a river and I watched it turn into a mobile phone...

One minute, a Kia!

Next minute, Nokia!
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This black teenager was showing me his state of the art phone, “It’s got everything,” he boasted, “4g, wifi, 64gig memory, advanced search technology, email tracking, this phone can do anything. ”
“Really? ” I replied. “Can it find your father?
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With today's rapid advance in technology, we thought it important to bring to our readers' attention some new engineering conversions:

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie вееr: 1 lite-year

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line. (think about it for a moment)

1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

10 cards: 1 decacards

1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbird
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A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
"The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner.
"Why so much?" asks the customer.
"Because it can program in C," answers the store owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology."
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner.
"3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"
To which the owner replies,
"To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."
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Pappu:My internet is not working properly.. O
Officer:Ok, Double click on “My computer”
Pappu:I can’t see ur computer..
Officer:No no.. click on “My computer” on ur computer..
Pappu:How can I click on ur computer from my computer?..
Officer:listen.. There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur computer.. Ok. double click on it..
Pappu:what the hеll, what is your computer doing on my computer..???
Officerouble click on ur computer..
Pappu:On which Icon i’ve to click..
Officer:
“My Computer”..
Pappu:…Oh u Idiот…… Tell me where is ur office…I’ll come there and click on ur “Computer.
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What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer? They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.
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Where's the best place to hide a body? I just found the perfect place to hide a dead body
Me: Siri, where is the best place to hide a body?
Siri: The second page of a Google search.
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Bill Gates walked into an APPLE store and farted but it was APPLE'S fault that they had no WINDOWS.
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My grandfather once told me my generation relied too much on technology, I screamed to him that his dos and unplugged his life support
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A little girl waited patiently as child after child sat on Santa's knee when finally her turn came.
"And what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asked.
Shocked, she stood up and looked him in the eye and said,
"Didn't you get my text?"
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The place where I work decided to provide company-paid cell phones to the "suits" upstairs. After negotiating a deal with a cell phone company, we arranged for the phones to be sent to the homes of the various VIP's.
The day after delivery, I received a call from a partner screaming about how his cell phone didn't work. He said he charged it overnight just like the sheet said, but in the morning, it wouldn't power up.
I asked EXACTLY what he did with the phone when he got it. "I took it out, plugged the charger into the wall and into the phone."
"Did you put the battery in the phone?"
"Not the extra one."
"Sir, the phone only came with one battery."
(Pause) "Oh, I think I figured out what's wrong with it."
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My aging father who definitely qualifies as your stereo typical “grumpy old man” hasn’t adjusted well to technology. Mistakenly I taught him how to send text messages.
After a week of pure mayhem and upsetting most every family member, he blames “auto correct” for putting words in his mouth. Apparently he doesn’t seem to understand that auto correct won’t fix an entire paragraph.
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With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“Because i forgot where i put him.
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My grandma has always been interested in technology, so when I got my new smart phone, she wanted me to show her some of its features.
The first thing I demonstrated to her is how to change the screen by swiping it.
I haven't seen grandma or my phone since.
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Wife asks her husband to pass her a newspaper. He replies,
"Newspaper? Are yo really that behind reality? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper? Here, take my iPad instead."
The wife takes the iPad and uses it to кill a cockroach. Her husband faints.
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