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Technology

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Microsoft купува Skype за 8 - Cariño Le dicen a una rubia - ¿Sabías que Microsoft pagó por Skype más de 8 billones de dólares? - Qué tontos Hab gerade gelesen Δυο ξανθιές Συζητούν: - Ρε τα έμαθες; Η Microsoft αγόρασε το Skype για 8 δισ. δολάρια. - Καλά χαζοί είναι; Αφού μπορούν να το κατεβάσουν τζάμπα…!
Sam: Hey John!
John: Hey!
Sam: Did you know Microsoft just bought Skype for ten million dollars?
John: Really!?
John: Idiots.... They could have downloaded it for free.
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A little girl waited patiently as child after child sat on Santa's knee when finally her turn came.
"And what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asked.
Shocked, she stood up and looked him in the eye and said,
"Didn't you get my text?"
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The place where I work decided to provide company-paid cell phones to the "suits" upstairs. After negotiating a deal with a cell phone company, we arranged for the phones to be sent to the homes of the various VIP's.
The day after delivery, I received a call from a partner screaming about how his cell phone didn't work. He said he charged it overnight just like the sheet said, but in the morning, it wouldn't power up.
I asked EXACTLY what he did with the phone when he got it. "I took it out, plugged the charger into the wall and into the phone."
"Did you put the battery in the phone?"
"Not the extra one."
"Sir, the phone only came with one battery."
(Pause) "Oh, I think I figured out what's wrong with it."
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With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“Because i forgot where i put him.
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My grandma has always been interested in technology, so when I got my new smart phone, she wanted me to show her some of its features.
The first thing I demonstrated to her is how to change the screen by swiping it.
I haven't seen grandma or my phone since.
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Wife asks her husband to pass her a newspaper. He replies,
"Newspaper? Are yo really that behind reality? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper? Here, take my iPad instead."
The wife takes the iPad and uses it to кill a cockroach. Her husband faints.
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All the brainy people that are making the technology and advancing things, they don't have any common sense... You always hear people get fooled by, like, car companies. 'Yeah, I got the new car. It's really safe, you know, because they crashed it in the wall with the test dummies, so it's safe.' That's not foolproof. You know why? Because crash test dummies don't tense up before impact. Let me tell you something, 'til they get a crash test duммy to go, 'Sh*t!' before it hits the wall, not doin' us any good.
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For her 87th birthday Ruth who was not acquainted with modern technology, was given a new cell phone by her son. After setting it up and showing her how to use it he went home and called her.
"How is your new phone working, Mom." Her reply astonished him. "Oh we took it back. It wouldn't work. It did not even have a cord."
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My brain is not equipped with fасiаl or name recognition technology.
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Did you hear about the Andeluvian that wore out her DVD player re-winding them?
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A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilot less technology: It is an un-crewed aircraft.
Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEO's promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first un-crewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."
This is Confidence!
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Guy 1: Hey! Why do you smoke cigarettes even though there is a warning on the pack that says it's bad for your health?
Guy 2: I am a software professional. I don't bother about warnings -- I am concerned only about the "Alerts."
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This new technology is for the birds! I sure do miss those good old reliable manual typewriters that didn’t make nearly as many typing mistakes!
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Question: Before showering, should one take off their shirt first or their pants (or lower-half garments) first?
Answer: One should close the door first!
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I turned on the navigation device in the car and it began to flirt with me!
Just then I realized I'd hit the wrong button and was listing to an audio book romance novel belonging to my wife.
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I have a new application for my smart phone where a cartoon face appears as it verbalizes answers to questions I ask of it.
I love asking it things, but I sure wish it wouldn't sigh, roll it's eyes, and say "ОМG" before it answers!
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It might be my imagination but I could have sworn my GPS navigation device said,
"Not that left duммy, you're other left!"
Is anyone else having this problem?
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So Bill Gates and the chairman of GM are arguing over which company is better. Bill Gates boast, " If cars grew in technology as fast as computers did, we would be driving v-32 instead of v-8, our cars would get 5000 miles to the gallon, the top speed would be mach seven. Anyway the sticker price for a car would be 50 dollars."
And which the GM replies,
" Sure, but would you really want a car that crashes 4 times a day!"
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