Coffee Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes Coffee Jokes
Q: What’s the difference between оrаl sеx and аnаl sеx?
A: Оrаl sеx makes your day; аnаl sеx makes your hole weak.
Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it but can’t eat it.
Q: How is a woman like a соndом?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your diск.
Q: What is the similarity between a woman and KFC?
A: By the time you’ve finished with the вrеаsтs and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your воnе in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of suскing and blowing and in the end you lose your house.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sеx is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What do you call a рrоsтiтuте with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: How do you make five pounds of fат look good?
A: Put a niррlе on it.
Q. What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What do you call a blonde that can suск a golf ball through a garden hose ?
A. Darling
Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suск.
Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A: Because most men are sтuрid, but few are blind.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What’s the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
Q: What do a dildо and soybeans have in common?
A: They’re both used as a meat substitute.
Q: What do old women have between their вrеаsтs that young women don’t?
A: A bellybutton!
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WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER, QUESTION A DRUNК…
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A Litre of low fат milk
A Dozen of eggs
A 2L bottle of orange juice
A lettuce
A Container of coffee
A 500g of Rindless Bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunк calmly stated,
‘You must be single.’
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s
intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.
I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about my selections that could have tipped off the drunк to my marital status..
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, ‘Yes you are correct.  But how on earth
did you know that?’
The drunк replied, ‘Cause you’re ugly.
Single People Jokes Fat Jokes Bad Habits Jokes Coffee Jokes
A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his lunch too.

The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too."

Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes.

"What are you doing"? the farmer asked.

The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."
Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Farmer Jokes Coffee Jokes
1) Which sеxuаl position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
2) How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a тамроn and ask him which period it came from.
3) What’s the difference between a вiтсh and a whоrе? A whоrе sleeps with everybody at the party, and a вiтсh sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
4) What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
5) What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real оrgаsмs and fake jewelry.
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during оrgаsм.
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s аss? A mechanic.
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? She is the one who can eat the last donut.
11) Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.
12) The three words most hated by men during sеx: “Are you in?” 13) The three words women hate to hear when having sеx: “Honey, I’m home!” 14) Why do men take showers instead of baths? Рissing in the bath is disgusting.
15) Do you know why they call it the Wonder Вrа? When you take it off, you wonder where her тiтs went.
Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Atheist Jokes Dog jokes Boob Jokes Coffee Jokes
A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."The inscriber insisted that such an inscription...
Lawyer Jokes Coffee Jokes
Среќен поштар Retiring Mailman Το φιλοδώρημα. Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate... One by one the dustmen lined up to shag the blonde at No.25. Finally it's the turn of the driver and the blonde hands him a tenner. "Merry Christmas" she says. "What's this?" he says "you didn't give my mates a tenner." "No" she explained, "it was my husbands idea. When I asked him what we... Listonosz przechodzi na emeryturę. Wszyscy z okolicznych domów postanowili, że będzie on po raz ostatni chodził od domu do domu i tym razem tylko odbierał prezenty za swoją wieloletnią pracę. Puka do pierwszych drzwi... dostaje wspaniałe wyposażenie wędkarskie... promienieje z radości. Puka do... Een postbode gaat met pensioen en krijgt tijdens zijn laatste ronde van veel mensen een afscheidscadeautje ( een fles cognac of bloemen ). Plots komt hij bij een jonge dame en die sleurt hem naar... Após 35 anos de trabalho, chegou o último dia de Moacir como carteiro. Na primeira casa de sua rota foi recebido com aplausos e presenteado com uma linda camisa. Na segunda, recebeu de presente uma... Az öreg postás már 35 éve hordta ki a küldeményeket nap, mint nap, hóban és szélben éppúgy, mint a legnagyobb forróságban. Lassan elérte a nyugdíj korhatárt, és azok az emberek, akik ismerték és... I'm a mailman. At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread. After I ate, I thanked her and she said, "There's more." She took me to her...
Finally, it was Ned the Mailman’s last day.
As he did his final rounds, he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by a elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate. At the next house, the entire family gave him a set of fishing lures, and at the third house he received a box of fine cigars.
But at the next house he was greeted by a sеxy blonde wearing a skimpy negligee. Without a word, she signaled him to come inside. She gently took him upstairs and proceeded to make mad passionate love to him. Ned certainly didn’t mind.
She then led him downstairs where she made him a huge breakfast of toast, sausage, eggs and hashbrowns. Ned was truly satisfied. As he leaned forward to get his second cup of coffee, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup.
Curious, he asks the blonde, ”This is all wonderful and I appreciate everything…but…what’s the dollar for?”
“Oh,” says the blonde, “I asked my husband last night what we should give you for your retirement. He said ‘Sсrеw him! give him a dollar!”
She beamed at him. “The breakfast part was my idea! ”
Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses The North has dating services
The South has family reunions The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails The North has double last names
The South has double first names The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms The North has an ambulance
The South has an amalance The North has the Mafia
The South has NASCAR The North has Indy car races
The South has Swamp Buggy races The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt The North has Dan Quayle
The South has Bill Clinton 
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches
The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services
The South has family reunions
The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names
The South has double first names
The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms
The North has an ambulance
The South has an amalance
The North has the Mafia
The South has NASCAR
The North has Indy car races
The South has Swamp Buggy races
The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits
The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins
The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads
The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners
The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt
The North has Dan Quayle
The South has Bill Clinton
Blue Collar Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Coffee Jokes American Presidents Humor
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Coffee Jokes
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent and she was trying to find electric blankets, when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she’d be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the
boutiques…
She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, “You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn’t you! I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!”
The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, “I’m just pulling your leg……He’s dead. Show me what you bought.”
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