Communication Jokes

A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his реnis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"

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Me "Hi! Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your Mcorder?"
Boss "You don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
Me "Oh okay. Hi! Welcome to Donalds! Can I take your order?"
Boss "Get out."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Management Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

The sexologist to Johny:
"let´s talk about sеx!"
Johny:
"I have no idea."

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Sex Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes

When you have a question you check with Google.
When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!

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Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.
After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.
About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.
This time he received a response of about 80 percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question.
With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety three."
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said:
"It's easy, I just outlived the вiтсhеs."

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Religion jokes Old People Jokes Church jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes

What did the pencil say to the sharpener?
Stop going in circles and get to the point.

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Communication Jokes

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No, think of another
wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'... know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

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Divorce Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Genie jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher!

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School Jokes Communication Jokes

Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary.
The definition of each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors.
When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Сhrisт?"
"You mean J.C?", responds the alien.
"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".
Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"

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Religion jokes Chocolate Jokes Christian Jokes Communication Jokes Alien Jokes

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner.
Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck.
The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up.
Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in.
"Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look вiggеr."

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Political Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes American Presidents Humor

One dinosaur said,
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Another dinosaur said "A non-renewable recourse!"

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Communication Jokes Dinosaur jokes

The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the сriме scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."

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Don't get upset if I ask you where something is in Target when you choose to wear a red shirt and khakis to shop.

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

Two old friends met by chance on the street.
After chatting for some time, one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me."
The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"

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Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes

Me: How do I unsubscribe so I don't get your emails any more?
Boss: What?

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Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sеx with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have sеx with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"

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Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner.
We actually talked to each other.
It was awful!

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Old People Jokes Technology Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load. "
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load. "
He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load. "
The trucker looks at her and finally he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck. "

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Communication Jokes

A lawyer has just settled down in his new office. So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients.
After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office.
Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action.
So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you."
He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?"
"Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."

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Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes