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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get sсrеwеd!"
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
Вечер. Sherlock Holmes und Dr. Watson wandern Holmes und Watson Σέρλοκ Χολμς Σκηνή Σέρλοκ Χολμς και Μάθιου Γουάτσον Двама приятели на излет, с палатка. Шерлок Холмс и доктор Ватсон отправились в поход. Вечером они поставили палатку и улеглись в ней спать. Ночью Холмс будит своего спутника: Sherlock Holmes und Dr. Watson zelten. Mitten in der Nacht wird Dr. Watson von Sherlock Holmes geweckt. Holmes: Sherlock Holmes e il suo fidato assistente Watson vanno in campeggio e dopo una bella cena ed una bottiglia di vino, entrano in tenda e si mettono a dormire. Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, John woke up his friend. "Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Jack looked up and replied, "I can see... Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"... Sherlock Holmes och doktor Watson campar. De slår upp tältet under stjärnorna och går och lägger sig. Mitt i natten väcker Sherlock Holmes, Watson. - Watson, titta på stjärnorna och berätta vad du... Twee mannen gaan kamperen. Ze zetten de tent op en wanneer de avond valt kruipen ze in hun slaapzak en beginnen te slapen. Om 4u snachts worden ze wakker en de ene vraagt aan de andere : "Weet je... Dos amigos, Luis y Juan se fueron en un viaje de camping. Luego de una buena comida y una botella de vino se despidieron, se acostaron y se fueron a dormir. Algunas horas más tarde, Luis se... Sherlock Holmes och Dr Watson var ute och vandrade i bergen. På kvällen reste de sitt tält under den stjärnbeströdda himlen och gick och lade sig. Någon gång mitt i natten blir Dr Watson väkt av... Sherlock Holmes et le Dr Watson sont au camping. Après un bon repas et une bouteille de vin, ils gagnent leur sac de couchage dans leur tente et s'endorment. Quelques heures plus tard, Holmes se... Sherlock Holmes e o doutor Watson vão acampar. Após um bom jantar e uma garrafa de vinho, entram nos sacos de dormir e caem no sono. Algumas horas depois, Holmes acorda e sacode o amigo e diz: —... Dwaj koledzy nocują pod namiotem. W środku nocy jeden budzi drugiego: - Co widzisz? - Gwiazdy i księżyc. - Co to oznacza? - Że jutro będzie ładna pogoda. - Ty głupku! To oznacza, że ukradli nam... Sherlock Holmes og Dr. Watson var på telttur. En kveld lå de og tittet opp på himmelen. Holmes sa: - Watson, hva ser du? - Vel, jeg ser tusener av stjerner. - Og hva betyr det for deg? - Det betyr... Sherlock Holmes wybrał się z Dr Watsonem do lasu. W pewnym momencie w nocy, Holmes budzi Watsona i pyta: - Drogi Watsonie, czy śpisz? - Nie... - A co widzisz nad sobą, drogi Watsonie? - Widzę... Gittikleri yerde kamp kurarlar. Tatillerinin ikinci gününün akşamı güzel bir yemek yiyip uykuya dalarlar. Birkaç saat sonra kadın uyanır ve kocasını da uyandırır. Adam uyku sersemidir; güzel bir... Sherlock Holmes En berømte detektiv Sherlock Holmes og hans assistent Doctor Watson er på camping og overnatter i telt. Midt om natten prikker Holmes til Watson og spørger ham: “Watson, kig op på... Sherlock Holmes és dr. Watson túrázni mennek, felállítják a sátrukat, és elalszanak. Néhány óra múlva Holmes felébreszti hűséges társát: - Watson, nézzen fel az égre és mondja meg, mit lát! -... Sherlock Holmes en zij assistent dr. Watson zitten op een camping. Zegt Sherlock ineens: "Kijk eens naar boven en zeg me wat ziet. Redeneer, formuleer en concludeer!" . Dus dr. Watson kijkt omhoog... Holmes ed il Dott. Watson decidono di passare un week end in campeggio in una tenda nel mezzo di una foresta. A notte fonda Holmes sveglia il dottore: "Watson, nota niente di strano?? guardi in... Sherlock Holmes a doktor Watson si vyjeli do přírody. Večer unaveni ulehli do stanu. Holmes se v noci probudil, šťouchl do Watsona a když se vzbudil, povídá: „Drahý Watsone, vidíte ty jasné hvězdy?... Sherlock Holmes e o Dr Watson estão acampados em plena selva. Holmes acorda no meio da noite, agitado. — WATSON! - grita ele. O bom e prestativo Watson desperta, assustado. — O que foi Holmes? —... Sherlock Holmes og Dr. Watson drar på campingtur, og slår opp teltet under stjernehimmelen. I løpet av natten vekker Holmes sin assistent og sier: - Watson, se opp på stjernene og fortell meg hva... Sherlock Holmes e il dottor Watson si trovano in vacanza in un campeggio. Dopo una buona cena e un'ottima bottiglia di vino, si ritirano in tenda e si addormentano profondamente. Durante la notte... Sherlock Holmes och Watson är på tältsemester. De sätter upp tältet under en stjärnklar himmel och går och lägger sig. Mitt i natten blir Watson väckt av Sherlock Holmes. - Watson, titta på... Sherlock Holmes og Watson var på telttur. De ligger i soveposerne og Holmes siger: - Watson, ved du hvad stjernerne får mig til at tænke på? Watson bryder ud i en flere minutter lang... Sherlock Holmes och Watson campade på engelska landsbygden och avnjöt en god måltid och delade på en flaska vin innan de lade sig för att sova. Några timmar senare vaknade Holmes och ruskade sin... Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: - ” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?" Watson said, "I see millions and... Sherlock Holmes és dr. Watson kempingeznek. Éjjel Sherlock felébred, és megböki Watsont. - Mit lát barátom? - A csillagokat. - És mire következtet ebből? - Hogy még számtalan más világ létezik, és... Sherlock Holmes et son ami le Docteur Watson Font du camping. En plein milieu de la nuit, Sherlock Holmes réveille Watson et lui dit: - Mon cher Watson, en voyant toutes ces étoiles, dites-moi ce... Nusprendė kartą Šerlokas Holmsas ir Vatsonas pastovyklauti. Nuvažiavo į gamtą, pasistatė palapinę ir po kažkiek laiko nuėjo miegot. Vatsonas pabunda naktį žadinamas Holmso. Holmsas ir sako: -... Sherlock Holmes en Dr. Watson gingen kamperen. Na een goede maaltijd en een fles wijn legden ze zich neer voor de nacht en gingen slapen. Enkele uren later werd Holmes wakker en stootte zijn trouwe...
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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sеx with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sеx with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sеx with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sеx with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers аnаl sеx. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sеx. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
Едно дете имало навик да затапя всеки който му каже нещо. Ο μικρός και ο ταξιτζής Ότι φέρει ο πελαργός Στο λεωφορείο. Майка праща детето си на училище с такси. В такси се возят майка и син. Синът вижда край един хотел момичета. Steigt ein Hippie in den Bus ein und setzt sich neben eine Nonne. Mama fährt nachts mit ihrer kleinen Tochter im Taxi nach Hause. Nach einigen Minuten fahren sie die Rotlichtmeile entlang. Die Tochter sieht die Prostituierten rumlungern und fragt: A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. Μία μέρα ο μικρός Μπόμπος με τον μπαμπά του κάνουνε βόλτα. Ξαφνικά χαλάει ο καιρός, αρχίζει να βρέχει και σταματάνε ένα ταξί για να γυρίσουν σπίτι τους. Στο δρόμο ο Μπόμπος βλέπει ένα μπουρδέλο και ρωτάει τον μπαμπά του : Майка с малко момче се прибират вкъщи късно през нощта с такси. Момчето, през прозореца, видяло няколко жени, застанали на тротоара и попитало майка си: One day, a hippie and a nun get on a bus. Un petit garçon rentre dans le bus et s'installe derrière le conducteur. Il commence à chanter : - Si mon papa était un taureau et ma maman une vache, je serais un petit veau. Le conducteur commence à s'agacer car l'enfant est très bruyant. Il continue, - Si mon papa était un éléphant et ma maman... Estava um bêbado no ônibus, falando sozinho, em voz alta: — Se meu pai fosse um pato e minha mãe um pata, eu seria um patinho... Se meu pai fosse um cachorro e minha mãe uma cadela, eu seria um cachorrinho... Se meu pai fosse um gato e minha mãe uma gata, eu seria um gatinho... Se meu pai fosse... Uma mulher, de táxi, com a filha de 11 anos, andam à noite. No caminho, a menina vê mulheres rodando bolsinha. — Mãe,o que aquelas mulheres estão fazendo? — Esperando seus maridos saírem do... Eine Mutter fährt mit Ihrer 8-jährigen Tochter im Bus. An einer Haltestelle stehen einige Nutten und halten nach Kundschaft Ausschau. "Mami, was sind das da für Frauen?" "Das sind Ehefrauen, die... Een bus stopt aan een halte en er stapt een klein kindje binnen. Het kindje zet zich vlak naast de buschauffeur. Opeens begint het kind te zingen: "ALS MIJN MOEDER EEN KOE WAS EN MIJN VADER EEN... Een moeder en haar kleine dochter staan in New York. De moeder probeert al een tijdje een taxi aan te houden terwijl haar dochtertje gefascineerd naar uitdagend geklede dames op de hoek van de... Toto assis juste derrière le chauffeur de bus se mit à recité: - Si mon père était un coq et ma mère une poule je serais un poussin ; si mon père était un boeuf et ma mere une vache je serais un... Certa noite, a mãe toma um taxi com a garotinha de 5 anos de idade e ao pararem diante de um semáforo a garotinha vê várias prostitutas em trajes exíguos fazendo ponto na esquina. — Mãe! O que são... Una signora accompagnata dalla sua giovane figlia attende il taxi. Quando questo arriva vi salgono sopra e poco dopo la bambina nota delle signore, vestite in modo sexy, che passeggiano per il... Eine Mutter mit Ihrer 9 Jährigen Tochter im Bus. An einer Haltestelle stehen Prostituierte und halten nach Kundschaft aus. Tochter: "Mama, was machen die da?" Mutter: "Das sind Ehefrauen und die... Steigen eine Mutter und ihr vierjähriger Sohn in ein Bus. Als sie an einem Parkplatz vorbeikommen, sieht der Junge zwei Prostituirte. Er fragt: "Mama, wer sind die und was machen die da?" Die... Bir ufaklık bir gün babasıyla belediye otobüsüne binmiş. bu ufaklığın bir özelliği cok hazır cevap olması ve lafı oturtmasıymış. babası ufaklığın huyunu bildiği için bir gerginlik cıkmasın diye... Een bus stopt bij de bushalte om een klein ventje binnen te laten. Hij gaat vlak naast de buschauffeur zitten en begint te schreeuwen: "AL WAS MIJN MOEDER EEN KOE EN MIJN VADER EEN STIER, DAN WAS... Un taxi avec une mère et son fils passe dans une rue avec des prostituées, et l'enfant demande: - Maman, maman, les dames elles font quoi là ? La mère répond: Elles attendent leur mari qui rentre... Toto rentre dans le bus, s'installe derrière le chauffeur et commence à chanter : - Si mon père était un coq et ma mère une poule, moi je serai un poussin. Le chauffeur qui n'aime pas le bruit lui... Nunnan åkte buss och sade till chauffören: - Innan jag dör så vill jag göra det. Men bara om ni är ogift. - Jag är inte gift ljög chaffisen. Nunnan: - Men jag måste dö oskuld så det får bli där... Egy rablónak a buszmegállóban megtetszik egy apáca. Odamegy hozzá, és ezt kédezi: - Te nagyon tetszel nekem, nem tudnálak-e magamévá tenni? Az apáca így felel: - Sajnálom, de én az Istennek élek,... Μπαίνει μια γυναίκα με το παιδί της σε ένα ταξί. Καθώς περνάνε από τη Συγγρού λέει το μικρό το κοριτσάκι. - «Μαμά, τι είναι όλες αυτές εδώ οι γυναίκες που είναι έντονα βαμμένες και τα ρούχα τους... Un tip mergea cu autobuzul cand, langa el, se aseaza cea mai incantatoare femeie pe care o vazuse pana atunci. Singura problema era ca femeia era calugarita. Se gandeste sa o abordeze oricum: -... Niste copii de la scoala primara mergeau cu autocarul La Gradina Zoologica... si un copil din stanga Soferului zice: - Daca tata era un leu si mama un leu eu as fi fost un Leu mai mic. Daca mama... Un punk e una suora siedono accanto in autobus. Il punk molesta continuamente la suora con avances e proposte di vario genere, e la poverina infastidita prima fa finta di niente, poi cambia posto,... Un copil mergea cu autobuzul prin oras, stand exact pe locul de langa sofer si urland cat il tineau puterile: - Daca tata era un taur si mama o vaca, atunci eu as fi fost un mic tauras. Soferul... One day a man got on the bus and saw a nun. He started to have sexual Thoughts about her and tried to stop but she looked so good that he couldn't Stop. So once she got off the bus the man asked... Ali okula yazılacakmış. Ama çok edepsiz bir çocuk olduğundan babası bazı önlemler almaya karar vermiş. Okuldaki öğretmenine ve diğer öğretmenlere durumu anlatmış. Sıra servis şoförüne gelmiş.... Přisedne si pankáč v autobusu k jeptišce, která se mu líbí, a dělá jí návrhy. Ona však hned na příští zastávce vystoupí. K smutnému pankáčovi přijde řidič autobusu a povídá: „Jestli chceš, tak já... Een Imam stapt in een bus en ziet een knappe jonge non op het eerste bankje Achter de bestuurder zitten. Hij neemt naast haar plaats en zegt plompverloren: ‘Ik zou graag met je naar bed willen.’... Važiuoja legenda Petriukas taksi automobilyje su tėvais ir pradeda klausinėti: - Mama, mama, mama. Mama: - Ką? Petriukas: - Jai tu būtum žirafa ir tėtis būtų žirafa, tai kas aš toks būčiau? Mama: -... Esto es una mujer con su hijo que se montan en un taxi. Durante el trayecto pasan por una calle llena de prostitutas, el niño desconociendo esta profesión pregunta: - Mamá ¿qué hace esa señora ahí... Un niño sube a un bus y no se cansa de repetir: - Si mi mamá fuera una burra y mi papá un burro yo sería un burrito, si mi mamá fuera una perra y mi papá un perro yo sería perrito, si mi mamá fuera... Det var den lille pige, der var ude at køre taxa med sin mor, da de kører forbi Halmtorvet spørger pigen sin mor: "Hvad er det for nogle damer der står der?" "Det er sømændenes koner der venter på... Sex med nonnen En hippie stiger ind i en bus og sætter sig ved siden af en nonne på det forreste sæde. Hippien ser på nonnen og spørger, om hun vil i seng med ham. Nonnen, der er overrasket over... Се вози малиот Трпе во автобус и си пее: - Татко ми е слон, мајка ми е слоница, а јас сум мало слонче, татко ми е лав, мајка ми е лавица, а јас сум мало лавче... и така си пее пола саат. На шоферов... Седи мало дете во автобус и си пее. - Татко ми е лав мајка ми е лавица јас сум мало лавче. - Татко ми е слон мајка ми е слоница јас сум мало слонче. На шоферов му се здосадило и му вика: - Мали што... Се вози Перица во автобус и си пее: - Да беше татко ми слон, а мајка ми слоница, јас ќе бев слонче! Си пее понатаму: - Да беше тато коњ, а мама кобила, јас ќе бев ждребе! Го слуша тоа шоферот и му...
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There were four country churches in a small Texas town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week. The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. But - The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
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