School jokes, Teacher Jokes

Little Johnny got home from school and told his mum " I just had my first sеxuаl experience!"
His mum replied "I'm going to speak to your dad about this when he gets home. Go to your room." So little Johnny goes to his room.
When his dad gets home his mum tells him about little Johnny's first sеxuаl experience.
His dad says "I won't get too angry at him because at his age, I was looking for my first sеxuаl experience to."
When he gets to little Johnny's room he asks him "So how was it?"
Little Johnny replies it was Great! The only downside is my аss hurts."

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The 12-Step Program for Internet Addicts
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash the dog, get the kids off to school, all before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book... If I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear what is happening on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on my computer.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time.... And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Friendship Jokes Internet Jokes Banker Jokes Coffee Jokes

My biology teacher tells me that I need to focus more in lessons.
They say I always ask off topic questions. But I'm just interested, that's all.
Science is interesting. Apparently there is a species of fish called "irrelevant".

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Science jokes Fishing Jokes Biology jokes School Jokes

Johnny's teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked,
"Are your father and mother in, Mr. Morton?"
"They was in, but they is out now," he answered.
The teacher gasped, "Why, Mr. Johnny Morton, it is 'They were in, but they are out now.' Where's your grammar?"
"She's upstairs taking her nap."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

So i was paired up with the really smart and hot girl in our Physics class to write an essay on Issac Newton's theory of gravity. So she said why don't we call it what Newton called it, "What goes up, must come down." Of course i agreed so that night we went to her house and started on our research, we had a nice glass of wine for good luck and we started. She asked if i could take the lead and start so i agreed and said why don't we try what Newton meant with what goes up must come down. She was good with that, so i asked her this morning when you were getting dressed for school you put on your skirt and wore your blouse and shoes and left the house right? She said yes, i said that's perfect because that would mean your skirt went up so lets see it come down. Blammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Wine jokes

Johnny puts his hand up. “Miss,” he says. “Would you do аnаl?”
“I beg your pardon?” says his teacher.
“I mean, would you take it up the аrsе miss?”
His teacher explodes. “You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!”
“Good,” beams Johnny. “I was hoping you would.”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes

Government planed to implement Sеx Education in school.
School authority wanted to send our George’s wife Lucy for special training course in Sеx Education.
Lucy:
“No Sir..! I don’t want to take part in that course.”
Principal:
“No..! But why ..?!”
Lucy:
“Somebody told me yesterday.. The Final Exam will be Оrаl!”

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School Jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes Superhero Jokes

About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.
No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Aviation Jokes Military Jokes

Scientists have discovered that some fish have реdорhilе tendencies.
Specifically, the ones that swim outside the school.

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School Jokes Criminal Jokes

I used to smoke behind the bike shed at my old school.
Fuck knows why. It’s a 10 mile walk from my office.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Stupid Jokes

Little Johnny's dad drove Johnny to boarding school and leaves him there. For the following week however, Johnny misses school.
When Johnny returned to school the next week the teacher asks Johnny why he had missed class for a week. Johnny replied that his dad passed away and he had to attend to his funeral.
The following week, Johnny's dad comes to visit Johnny at school and was directed to Johnny's classroom. While at the door, Johnny's dad knocks and says “Excuse me sir, I am here to see my son, Johnny. I am his dad."
Teacher surprised and confused asks, "Are you Johnny's real dad? I thought Johnny's father had passed away?" Johnny's Father is confused.
The teacher realized what was going on. So he quickly turns to the class and calls out “Johnny, your dead father is here to see you."
Johnny's heart beats faster and he grows small, but looks up to the teacher and whispers "How the heck did he came back alive."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

My chemistry class had a party
My teacher brought some avocados, about 6.022x10^23 of them, for the guaca-mole.

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School Jokes Chemistry Jokes

A teacher asks his pupils, “Can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?”
Little Johnny puts his hand up.
“One is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments.”
“Very good, Johnny,” says the teacher. “And the other?”
“Your mum’s a сunт.”

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Office and Work Jokes Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

I was in sеx education class when the teacher pointed at the diagram and asked, “What is this called?”
I put my hand up and answered, “That’s a мingе, Miss Stevens.”
She rolled her eyes, and replied, “Give me a medical term, please.”
“Oh, sorry,” I replied. “That’s a мingе, Doctor Stevens.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes School Jokes

In demonstrating the division of powers within the government, the teacher used the family structure as an example.
One boy stood up and said, “It looks like my mom’s the president then, because she veto’s everything.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Political Jokes School Jokes

My female science teacher was gloating about how scientists have discovered a way to make stem-cells develop into working sемеn.
She was telling our class that the human race no longer needed men.
I laughed at her and said;
“Okay, with no men, where the fuск are you going to get a scientist?”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Science jokes School Jokes

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass?
Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

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Chemistry Jokes School Jokes

Philosophy 201
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam…
After a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words:
“What chair?”

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Philosophy Jokes School Jokes

Classroom Nerd
(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that [email protected]#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a pimp

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Nerd jokes School Jokes Boss Jokes

What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof?
Don't do that, you have so much potential!

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Physics jokes School Jokes