Sex Jokes

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Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made. Samantha explains it to her.
"I still don't get it? Can you show me."
Suzy says.
"OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I sсrеw."
That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand.
The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have sеx with her.
"OK but I don't want Samantha to watch"
So Samantha went outside.
They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy.
"That was fun but I still don't get it."
Says Suzy
The next day the same thing happened.
And the next day.
Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying.
"Whats wrong," Suzy says.
"Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better."
Said Samantha.
"Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy.
When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it.
Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately.
He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to sсrеw her.
"OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed."
"Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
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A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans.
Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish.
He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen."
"Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best вlоwjов I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on."
The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
A Genie Can Almost Do Anything Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears. Il Presidente del Consiglio camminando lungo la spiaggia inciampa sulla lampada e fa uscire un Genio. Questi gli dice che per ricompensa è disposto ad esaudire un suo desiderio. Il Presidente senza esitare dice: "Voglio la pace nel Medio Oriente. Vedi questa mappa? Voglio che questi paesi... Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish. Clinton wishes for peace in the Middle East. The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish. Clinton says he wishes that... A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but... Una mujer está caminando en la playa y de pronto se encuentra una vieja lámpara. La recoge, la frota y ¡Paff! aparece un genio. La asombrada mujer le pregunta si le puede dar los clásicos tres... Un árabe caminaba por el desierto, cuando encontró una lámpara. Al abrirla ? sorpresa!, Apareció un genio: - Hola! Soy un genio de un solo deseo, a tus ordenes. - Entonces, quiero la paz en Oriente... Un árabe consigue una lámpara, la frota, el genio sale y le dice: - Solo te puedo conceder un deseo. El árabe le muestra un mapa y le pide paz para el Medio Oriente. El genio le dice que eso es... Era un musulmán que consiguió una lámpara mágica, de la que salió un genio al frotar y le concedió únicamente 1 deseo. - Quiero paz en Oriente Medio -Eso no es posible, tras 7000 años de guerras... Une femme se promène sur une plage et bute sur une vieille lampe. Elle se penche pour la prendre, la frotte et paf, un génie apparaît. La femme, étonnée, lui demande alors si elle pourra faire les... Un uomo sta passeggiando in un bosco alla ricerca di funghi, quando si imbatte nella più perfetta e antica lampada ad olio; inizia subito astrofinarla e appare il Genio: - Posso avere i miei tre... Kadının biri Maldivlerde bir kumsalda yürürken ayağı eski bir lambaya takılmış, kadın lambayı kumların içinden çıkarmış ve lambayı ovalamış.  Lambadan cin çıkmış. Kadın hemen: - "Üç hakkım var...
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в секс-шоп заходит старушка лет семидесяти, вся трясется, и... Трепереща блондинка влиза в секс магазин: C'est une femme qui rentre dans un sex shop. Elle s'avance vers le vendeur qui remarque qu'elle est agitée de tremblements. La dame demande: - éééest-ce queu-eu-eu vou-ou-ous ven-en-en-endez... Una donna entra dentro un Sexy Shop. Si avvicina al negoziante che nota qualcosa di strano nella cliente. La donna chiede: "SSS-cc-uuu-ssssiii a-a-av-vv-ve-tteee ddeeiiii... Uma velhinha com mais de 80 anos, entrou bem devagar numa loja de produtos eróticos. Evidentemente pouco à vontade, e com as pernas tremendo muito, ela percorreu os poucos metros que a separavam do... En gammal dam kommer in i en porrbutik och säger med svag och darrande stämma: - Sss..ssäljer ni dd...dddildos? - Ja, det gör vi, svarar mannen bakom disken. - Sssssådana där bbb..bbatteridrivna... Öreg hölgy bemegy a szex-shopba. - TTT-tt-tte-sss-ék-k mm-mondani, ááá-áárulna-nak ittt v-vibrá-ttt-ort? - Igen, természetesen. - OO-Olyan nn-nagy ff-feketét i-is? - Igen asszonyom. - É-és o-olyat,... Entra una ancianita con su cachaba y temblandole todo el cuerpo, en un sex shop, y le pregunta al dependiente ¿tienen consoladores? y el dependiente le contesta ¿si? ¿y como se paran? le pregunta... Komt een oud vrouwtje een seksshop binnen. Zegt ze beverig tegen de verkoper: “Vvvvvverkkkkkooooopt u ooooook vivivivibratttttorsT’ Verkoper: “Ja hoor.” Vrouwtje: “Ooohooookkk diediedie... Um vendedor de um sex-shop estava sossegado na sua quando avistou uma velhinha, devia ter lá seus 90 anos. Ela vinha se aproximando com sua bengala,tre mendo como vara verde, quase que tropeçando...
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Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said "what we are going to do today class is, I am going to give you a letter and I want someone to raise their hand and if l call on you l want you to give me a word that begins with that letter. So The teacher says "A" and Little Johnny immediately raises his hand but the teacher knows he will say аsshоlе so she calls on Little Mary and she says "apple."
"Very good" the teacher replied. "Okay, how about the letter B"
Little Johnny once again immediately raises his hand and says "please please pick me" so the teacher thinks for a moment and inside her head knows he'll say вiтсh or ваsтаrd, so she skips over Little Johnny and calls on Little Brad and Little Brad replies "boat."
"Very good Brad" the teacher says. "Now how about C" the teacher asks.
Immediately Little Johnny's eyes light up and this time says "oh pick me, pick me l know one" the teacher instantly goes right to Little Bobby and he says "car."
"That's a good one Bobby."
So the teacher does the same thing with the letter D and ignores Little Jonny raising his hand.
Now the teacher says "You're all doing a great job class, how about E" this time Little Johnny stands up waving his arms begging for a chance.
So the teacher pauses for a solid 10 to 15 seconds and can't think of one bad word that begins with the letter E.
So she reluctantly calls on Little Johnny and Little Johnny very nicely and calmly says "Elephant" and before the much-relieved teacher can even exhale, Little Johnny puts both hands up out in front of himself approximately two feet apart and yells out "with a fuскing соск this big!
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…et les femmes tellement compliquées... Démonstration par l’exemple. Une expérience de sociologie a été réalisée dans laquelle on a demandé aux étudiants et aux étudiantes qui suivaient le cursus,... At the marriage retreat, Ben and Mary are given a test. They have to write a sentence with the words ‘love’ and ‘sex’ in it. Mary writes: “When two people are passionately and deeply in love and... По време на семеен ритриит от една двойка е поискано да напишат поотделно изречение, използвайки думите „се-кс“ и „обич“. Жената : „Когато двама зрели хора се обичат страстно и дълбоко, и се...
Sex Jokes
On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sеx in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous.
Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
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Un niño le dice a su papa. - Papa si ganaras la loteria que harias Y el papa dice. - Cancun,champam y mujeres Y si no ganaras. - Chimulco,cerveza y tu madre
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