Work Jokes, Office Jokes

A boss announces to his staff:
“I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says:
“I’m offering 200!”

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Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”
The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…”

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Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes

Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don’t work.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Bad Jokes

Teacher: Why did you not study?
Student: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.

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School Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office and the doctor is bowled off by how stunningly awesome she and his professionalism goes right through the window.
He tells her to take off her pants and starts rubbing her thigh, he asks her do you know what I'm doing?
Yes she said, checking for abnormalities.
He tell her to take off he вrа and starts rubbing her воовs, he asks her do you know what I'm doing?
Yes, she said checking for cancer.
He tells her to take of her underwear and starts having sеx. He tells her do you know what I'm doing?
She said "Yes getting AIDS"

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Boob Jokes

Yo momma's so old, her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.

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Yo Momma Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Catholic Jokes

Cop pulls over a man:
"Sir id like you to take this breathalyzer test"
Man: " I cant, i have asthma i might have an attack "
Cop: " then i need to take a blood sample "
Man: " No sir, im a hemophiliac, i might bleed to death "
Cop: " Ok, ill need a рее sample "
Man: " I cant do that either officer, im a diabetic, i might get low blood sugar "
Cop: " Fine, just walk this line "
Man: " I cant "
Cop: " Why? "
Man: " Cause im drunк "

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Men jokes

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um, no." The lawyer interrupts,
"Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again,
"So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over the policeman says:
"Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

I hate Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday...

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One-Liner Jokes Office and Work Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to just go home and вlоw into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to вlоw into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "HELLLLOOOO!!! You need to roll up the windows."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Roy walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunк, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs Roy that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him? Roy is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, Roy stumbles in the SIDE door of the "same " bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely but more firmly, refuses service to him due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. He looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head. A few minutes later, Roy bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly drunк, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately. Roy surprisingly looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries
- "MAAAN! How many bars do you work at!?!?! "

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really рissеd. She told him:
"Tomorrow morning, I want to see a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Insult Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes Friday jokes

I didn't sleep very good last night. So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee... I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.

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Office and Work Jokes Coffee Jokes

2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes wееd, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"

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Divorce Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Drug Jokes

Man says to his boss "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss says "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man says "Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

Little Johnny was doing his work in math class, when his teacher chose him to answer a question.
Teacher: Johnny if there were four birds on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?
Johnny: None because the rest would fly off.
Teacher: The answer was 3, but I like the way you're thinking!
Johnny: Well I have a question for you! If there 3 girls at a ice cream shop, one was licking her cone, one was biting her cone, and one was suскing her cone, which one is married?
"Well" said the teacher nervously " I guess the one suскing her cone...
Johnny: No the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But, I like the way you're thinking!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Wedding jokes Math Jokes

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says:
"Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing and the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing." He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."
"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Couple jokes

Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

I love pressing F5. It is so refreshing.

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Computer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes