This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day.
She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in. He asks, ''What the hеll are you doing?'' Thinking quickly, the wife says, ''Uhm...waiting for you.'' The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ''But you're nакеd.'' Again the woman says, ''Yeah... I was waiting for you.'' The husband relaxes and says, ''Hold on, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll be back in a flash!'' The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a nакеd man jumping around and clapping. The husband asks,'' What in the hеll are you doing?'' He replied, ''I'm the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.'' The husband looks him over and says,''But you're nакеd.'' The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ''Them little ваsтаrds.''
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.
While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the nакеd man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money‚
HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Redskin tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for your Hawaiian golf vacation.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?
The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.'
Two blondes were talking in heaven, they were discussing how they died. The first blonde said 'I had a heart attack, my family has a long line of heart disease, I guess it was my time.' The second blonde said ' oh.. I froze to death, it was NOT the way I wanted to die, its too late now.' 'the first blonde asked, 'what is it like to freeze to death?' 'It is cold, but soon its kinda peaceful, once you know you're dying. What happened before you had your heart attack? 'the first blonde answered ' I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I went home early. my car is really old, so my husband probably could hear me pull into the driveway. That give his girlfriend plenty of time to hide. when I walked into the house, it was quiet. I ran up to out bedroom and found my husband watching tv in bed. I could see a glimpse of a вrа underneath our bed that definitely wasn't mine, so I immediately accused him of cheating, and I ran around the house to find the hое. I checked in every room, but when I got to the attic, I had a heart attack that instantly killed me.' the second blonde moaned 'shame, if you had only looked in the freezer, we would both still be alive.'
In South Los Angeles, a fourplex was destroyed by fire. A Nigerian family of six соn artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire. A black Islamic group of seven welfare cheaters, all illegally in the country from Kenya, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six Los Angeles gangbanger ex-cons lived on the third floor and they died as well. One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire. Jesse Jackson, John Burris, and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew to Los Angeles and met with the fire chief on television. They loudly demanded to know why the Nigerians, Muslims, and gangbangers all died in the fire, and only the white couple survived. The fire chief said, "Please don't get upset. The reason those fellow citizens survived was because they were at work."
