Cheating Jokes, Infidelity Jokes, Adultery Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
0
0
0

It’s Bill and Hillary Clinton’s fiftieth anniversary…
As they sat over a candle lit dinner, Hillary made a confession. “Bill,” she says. “You know that rather large box in the basement you told me never to open?”
“Yes” says Bill.
“It had been bothering me for years and finally curiosity won over. I opened it.”
Bill sighed in disappointment. Hillary asked, “I found twenty-three empty вееr bottles and three hundred seventy seven dollars. Can I ask why you were keeping twenty-three empty вееr bottles?”
“Well, Hillary. I’m going to be honest. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I would come home and open a вееr. I would drink it thinking about how I really love you and how sorry I was. The вееr bottles are reminders of the mistakes I made cheating on you.”
Hillary was surprised but she knew his past and accepted it. “Bill, I’m disappointed, but we have been through worse. I love you and I forgive you. Can I ask why there was three hundred seventy seven dollars in the box?”
Bill shrugged. “Every time the box filled up with вееr bottles, I took them back for the deposit.”
0
0
0
The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t inform the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story,”Excuse me my dear…….. My stomach,” and disappeared towards the bathroom.
The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back stairs and into the maid’s bed.
She just had time to switch the lights off when in he came in silently……….
He wasted no time or words but quickly took out his diск, got on top of her and fcuked her like there was no tomorrow. When he finished and while he was still panting, the wife said You didn’t fсuкing expect to find me in this bed did you!!” and switched on the light.
“No madam”, said the gardener.
0
Викам на Кирето
0
0
0
0
There was an old priest in a small town who spent years listening to confessions, most of which had been about adultery. One day he had enough and said “If I get one more confession about adultery I will leave this town.”
Now the people really liked the priest and didn’t want to see him leave so they decided to start calling adultery something else. Eventually the word “fallen” replaced the word adultery, and people would confess to having fallen. This satisfied the priest and he stayed in that town for many more years until his eventual death.
After his death a new priest came to town and after a week came to the mayor. “Mr. Mayor you must do something about your sidewalks. I’ve had a dozen people come to me saying they’ve fallen.”
At this point the Mayor starts laughing, realizing that no one had told the new priest what “fallen” stands for. But before the mayor could say anything, the priest interrupts him. “I don’t know why you’re laughing Mr. Mayor, your wife said she fell five times this week.”
0

0
0
The chastity belt
King Arthur was getting ready to go on a quest, but was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all the Ноrny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin the Magician for advice. After explaining his problem to Merlin, the Wizard thought about the problem for a while and then told the king to come back in a week and he would have a solution to the problem.
The next week the King returned to Merlin to see the new invention. A Chastity Belt… except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. “This is no good,” said the King “Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect the queen???”
“Ah sire, just observe,” said Merlin as he pulled out an old wand that he was going to throw away. Merlin then inserted the wand into the hole in the chastity belt whereupon a guillotine blade came down and cut the wand neatly in two halves. “Merlin you are a genius, now I can leave knowing that my Queen is fully protected,” said the King.
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out on his quest.
Several years later the King returned to Camelot. Immediately, the king assembled all the knights of the Round Table into the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for inspection. Sure enough every knight was either amputated or damaged in some way, all except for Sir Galahad.
“Sir Galahad, you are the one and only true knight what is in my power to grant thee? Name it and it is yours,” said the King.
But Sir Galahad was speechless.
0
0
0
0